Curse

I sit here in this lonely silence, as tears stream down my face.  My mind racing; I can't hold still; my heart beating at a fast pace.  My thoughts clouded; they won't hold still.  Pain shoots through my head that can't be erased by any pill.

Why do I let all of this get to me?  Because I lover her; one day I hope she can see.  I want the best for her for all of her life.  All of which is worth all the pain and strife.

What's the best for her?  Can we make it through the days?  What will she think of me?  And who will ultimately pay?  Will she hold it against me for all her life to come?  And will she know I had her best interests in mind when it's all said and done?

Why no answers to any although these questions are simply asked?  Because the answers are still to come which will be a journey and a task.

But yet my mind still keeps running, searching for those answers that I seek.  How much I wish to look into the future and take a little peak.  Why was I blessed to this cursed life to do my duty as I do?  Am I here for a purpose or am I everybody's curse too?

Look what this does to me.  Terrible thoughts about myself is all that I can see.  I tell everbyody else ther will be better days, but when I try to tell myself that's not what my thoughts say.

I'm losing my mind; my feet not planted on the ground.  How can I try to help anybody when my own head spins round and round?  That poor little girl, an innocent bi-standard who doesn't know.  Her curse is her mother, but one day that will show.