I feel so overwhelmed. 

It's been but a week since the world lay at my feet. 

Now it is I that lay at the World's. 

I don't know how this happened, or why, but it has. 

Where is the justice in causing hopelessness and despair? 

Where is the justice in turning a world upside down, but not offering to right it? 

Hand outs mean nothing. 

In a life that has been wrought by morality and failed by morality, I now find myself with faith in nothing. 

Not my God, my family or myself. 

I find no answers or comfort in the past anymore. 

For the first time in my life all I see at the end of each road is a dead end. 

What a fatefull turn! 

My mind swims with "what-ifs" and "I shouldas!" 

Oh how it swims. 

It drowns once again in this pool of despair and hopelessness as depression sinks her poisoned teeth further and further into the flesh of my soul. 

Ah the flesh. I long to test its mortality, but the answer scares me as badly as the cause. 

It's true the cure is always worse than what ails you! 

Especially when it is you Very Being that needs healing. 

What possesses someone to be arrogant enough to judge another? 

I am guilty myself, but this question burns most strongly with two answers which are equally valid! 

"With Liberty and Justice for All!" 

If only this were true! 

I have found neither in our government. 

No, instead I find greed; one so consuming as to devour the very things for which it stands, but NOT under God! 

How much of this life must I endure? 

Why must I live in this world where love is sold and time is taxed; in this world where we appoint the criminal to pursue the man trying to fight his way above the demigods? 

I find no answers beyond the word "evil" which, well, is pursued by evil itself under the fasade of good. 

October 1, 1993