Hector was a sailor
and a queer sort at that.
He wore a ragged seacoat
and a dilapidated hat.
He came from who knows where
he didn't have a home,
and all who met him held their nose
he was a smelly Gnome.
"I'm looking for a wife" said he
to anyone who'd listen.
"I need someone to tend to me
it's love and care I'm missin'."
He eyed a little pixie
they called her Vixen Rose
but she just said
"Forget you Chum,
your aroma hurts my nose."
"How dare you be so cruel to me?
I'm handsome and I'm dapper.
Who wants you anyway Vixen Rose?
It's a mermaid that I'm after."
So Hector the sailor set out to sea
in search of his fish-woman wife to be.
He scanned the ocean far and wide
looking for his future bride.
A hungry shark came swimming by
hunting for his dinner,
he caught a whiff of Hector's scent
and thought, "I've found a winner."
The shark, a large ferocious fish
was hungry as can be,
but Hector, oblivious to this
yelled "Yo shark, can you help me?"
The shark approached hectors boat
and asked, "Are you for real?
I'm looking for my dinner and
your odor has appeal."
Now Hector had no intention
of becoming this sharks feast.
He cried for help from anyone,
"Please save me from this beast."
A mermaid floating idly by
heard all this rowdy ruckus
she swiftly swam to Hectors boat
to see what all the fuss was.
"What goes on here?" she asked the two
approaching Hectors barge.
"He wants me for his dinner,
and look at him, he's large."
The mermaid swam up to the shark
and punched him in the snout.
"Away with you!" she yelled at him,
"Be gone I say, get out."
To Hectors disbelief
the shark just swam away
and beholden to this mermaid
he'd see another day.
"Please marry me," he begged of her
"and be my blushing bride.
It's you I've come in search of
please marry me," he cried.
"Of course I'll marry you" said she
in answer to his plea,
"but first you must jump overboard
and bathe yourself for me."
Hector hit the water
carefree as a lark.
To his dismay he found himself
devoured by that shark.
"I'm sorry sir" the mermaid crooned
"to cause you all this strife."
The shark belched loudly
winked and her and said,
"lets go home, wife."