lainky commented on No Matter

08-21-2009

Good subject matter and thought process, could have taken more time on arranging of words

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SlntShadow commented on No Matter

08-02-2009

the poem is really good your right on who people jugde cuz im goth and im always getting judged and getting called a freak

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RHPeat commented on No Matter

06-28-2009

Oh one other thing I notice that you had going for you in the structure of the form: short line/ long line. I like this but you lose it in the closure: end of the poem. Add another short line after L8/ something like: (No Matter if you're alive of dead.) You know invent your own line. that falls in place after (judge you anyway). You can use that one if you like; I have no need for it. But a short line will help the presentation of your structural form. Again nice little rant. a poet friend/ RH Peat

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RHPeat commented on No Matter

06-28-2009

Well Sierrah/ I like the tone of this poem It is a good little rant for sure and it is right up to date with what is happening politically. A good little poem. I do think it needs a tad of polishing however. L2: You want (people are goin' to hate on you anyway) (goin'/ meaning going), not the past tense (gone) meaning already left) but the contraction I think will fall into the accent that you want. L3 The word (Your) should be spelled (you're) for the intent in the poem and still have your accent again. The difference being a possessive pronoun (your shoes, your coat) and (you're / you are short) Nice line by the way, it shows how innocent something might sound and yet still be totally out of place. I dig it. The same misspelling of (your instead of you're) carries through to L8. No problem, it an easy fix for all the anaphora. And the anaphora hass a great musical sound to it as well. In L4 (won't) means (would not) I'm not sure but I think you mean (want), but if you do mean (would not) cut the word (to) which isn't needed in that case. You need to clarify your intent in the poem there so the reader knows what is being said. In L6 you need to close the gap on (the ir) to make the word (their) for a tighter presentation. I might suggest the word (will) in the Line rather that the use of (is going to), it would make a tighter looking, a (shorter) line and still have the same intent in the overall poem. In L9 your last Line: I'd suggest making it shorter as well. (so why should you care what people say about you anyway.) just cutting a couple of words to make the line shorter. It would tighten the presentation of the line and still keep your intent in tact. Again a nice little rant the puts it all where it needs to be said: RIGHT UP FRONT! I like it. Keep up the good work. A poet friend/ RH Peat

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