Poesy3b’s Profile

I am new to this site but not new to writing. I love to write whether it is poetry or on a serious matter close to my heart.. I am very opinionated which could offend people from time to time because of the bluntness of it but honestly most people take it from me because they know anything I have to say is out of love. I truly care about people and anything they go through in life. My heart is wide open. I have had a rough life and the way I chose to live my life proved it. I have been abused in so many ways. My life and my heart was cold and hard. I eventually became an abuser. I liked to fight people and intimidated them, humiliate them. That lifestyle landed me a high position in a gang. My life went down hill fairly fast. I ended up doing 7 years in prison. I met some real people there. I have some lifelong friends even to this day from the time I did in prison. I met a 77 yr old christian counselor there who changed my outlook on life. I was 19 years old when I met her and had already did 2 years by then. She was the only one who could handle me. All I could show was anger,hate, and blame towards everyone with an occassional loyalty without a real love commitment. She would let me get crazie because she knew that eventually I would break-down and get to the heart of the matter. When it was too hard for me to let a matter go she would just start praying right in the middle of me screaming. And it always worked. I went through 3 year of intense christian counceling with her and that has changed my life completely. She didn't make me codependant on her training and her skills either. She taught me to go search myself and research all resources given to me to teach myself what I needed to know to handle life and myself. Most of all she taught me what it meant to be under the Grace of God. No one has loved me like Jesus and no one ever will. Some come close though I must say. Anyhow. I have been home 5 years now. It has been rough for me. When I get a job no one wants to rent to me. When I finally find a place to live I lose a job. I've had friends come and go. I've been through my own sinful strongholds. I've done my fair share of partying. And I have lost some people I cared very deeply for. I've watched my family and friends kill themselves in their addictions or just plain ruin their lives. I've been in a serious relationship for 4 years but I fear it has come to an end. We have an 18 month old son together. I have struggled in my walk with God as I'm sure most people do. I do feel very humble to say that I have surrendered alot of myself to the Lord through all those years of sacrifices and wrestling with God. These last 6 months have been the best and most trying time yet. I struggle with moving out away from my boyfriend for a couple of months due to the major differences we have concerning our spiritual life or lack of, our heart and how we treat people we know or don't know, our future plans about kids and marriage, our communication malfunction, and not figuring out yet how to compromise with each other in respect and love even after being together 4 years now. He wants me to be the woman he met but I can't I've changed. I rededicated myself entirely back to Jesus. I want him to care about his life now and in the future by being the strong christian man I would like to have now and in the hereafter. But he can't yet because he has so much that he holds onto, and he is very dominate. I pray we make it but I don't see myself staying under the same roof as him and struggling when I clearly feel I'm suppose to leave. Not leave him but just leaving the situation so we can grow and figure out what we both want and either become one or find that someone else we was suppose to be with. Only time will tell. I'm waiting on Jesus. Other than that since I've lost my job 3 weeks ago I've been doing job searches and trying to plant myself into the place the Lord wants me to go. I just want to do His will. I try to give back what was given to me when I was on the streets or in prison. I try to give back that same knowledge and that same compassion and love that was given to me from Jesus and His many followers. People loved me when I was unloveable. People taught me when I had an know-it-all attitude. I give that back by sharing my story and my relationship with the Lord to anyone I meet. I have the opportunity to visit some youthful offenders every third sunday of every month and it uplifts me to know God would use my life and His life & Word to plant seeds into these young boys lives before they go to prison or worse. I will take any opportunity that comes my way if I thought it would help in some way. I can usually minister to the people who have been abused or lived a angry life or in a gang. The Lord is Mighty to Save. He has His eye on every single person He created and He knows where to send His followers to be the most sufficient in carring out His will for them and the people they are suppose to minister to. This is my life. At least a glimpse of it. Ask anything you would like. I'm a open book. God Bless You. And if you haven't found the Love and Mercy and Forgiveness of the Lord Jesus Christ I Dare You to Try it for Yourself. Taste and see that the Lord is Good.