Sinister Vortex


  • Anger

    Sinister Vortex

                        There seems to be no end..
                               in the mindless pit that you continue
                                       to condescend-

                        Your fear and regret..
                               brought bitterness in all that we kept-

                         Truth now- I know
                                       was never in your heart..

                         Tragically from the beginning..
                                      integrity was never to play a part-

                         Your inability to show love...
                                   crushed every notion you
                                        would rise above..

                         Based on your past..
                                     followed by an addiction-

                        Swallowed you whole..
                                   and left you a walking affliction-

                         There is nothing left..
                                   of what I once knew-

                          You went around in circles...
                                     we never grew-

                          Change now- far beyond my control
                               I consumed, I invested
                                   you were oblivious to what you stole..

                          We were all that I needed..
                                     but your hunger exceeded-

                          One day you will realize...
                                     you fell victim to your own demise..


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    ccslim commented on Sinister Vortex


    Fantastic! I enjoyed the read! The power is felt by content and it flows fine! I do feel the rhyme and word choice in places took away from the content. Noted present begins then falls to past thus certain words conflict aka the word "play" could be left out and the end slams the door wonderfully but again knowing what is said and felt I think the word "Maybe" would tighten it! Overall Great job!

    AnointedOne commented on Sinister Vortex


    Wow...this is awesome. You say so much with so few complex emotions with simplicity. I can see the story and I know the personality. Very nice.



    Gracias...and I appreciate your comments very much..Amare

    HarverTomsson commented on Sinister Vortex


    Unfortunately, "demise" is a social euphemism for a darker reality. It has no place at the climax of a poet about irretrievable heartbreak that only one of you two experience. There is a holy terror in your voice railing about callous concealment and denial in an intimate relationship. you do not need expletives deleted, but make use of sharp cutting words, not euphemisms, or you will be taken as a sucker once more. niceness doen't get you points at this stage of deconstruction. Spit out the tru



    Thanx so much for the comments and advice..I truly appreciate your words...and I agree with you..Amare

    HarverTomsson commented on Sinister Vortex


    This work jolts just like the events potrayed. Appreciation is often as much about the reader as the poet, but I would like to see this effort reworked in blank verse that lets the raw emotions thud without the safety mat of rhyme. You have a holy terror in your voice, rage and heartbreak combined. Some of the word choices muted that.



    Thanx so much for the comments. I do love your honesty..Amare

    StandingBear commented on Sinister Vortex


    An exceptional talent you possess! Fine flowing verses from beginning to end. *_________* Great write. 10



    Your too kind..thank you so much for to ya soon..

    Poetry is what gets lost in translation.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

    Amare13’s Poems (8)

    Title Comments
    Title Comments
    The Art of Love 7
    Derision 4
    Your eyes.. 6
    Sinister Vortex 7
    Bellicose 4
    Odium 5
    Crescendo 3