AWAKENING
Why do we cry? If it's not showing, that I'm screaming aloud on the inside, of a waste of space. For one to only know when each tear I shed is another part of me that will be forgotten forever, knowing my life is a gift I open once is frightening for I am afraid to close it. Knowing then I'll be alone, the one darkness I am terrified from. Just to even feel this way hurts me inside for I hate the pain. That feeling gives me inside I wish it would just go away, yet it only gets worse and more painful. I will just vanish every feeling that weakens me, gone forever.. Yet how can I say a pathetic thing like that? Knowing that will be the only time I'll be thought of. This is the feeling I have so longed for. If only one could see behind my eyes and threw my eyes, they would truly see the real me. Who feels like a low weakened, lost soul, who is imperfect in ways to ashamed to even grasp that thought. For I want no one to see this in me, for that has always meant the same thing when they see the truth in me. Yet I cannot seem to focus as I look upon the one, it is as I am to consumed by making sure I am the way as I feel, they want. All beautiful things should be looked at with a sense of indescribable beauty of something you could never desrcibe in words. For it will take your breath away. That is how I see the perfect image of that would make your heart skip a beat; through my eyes is how I can describe it. To even hear the voice, would give you the chills. The voice of an everlasting peace you love, you want to stay forever. Even in complete darkness.... The embrace of this is the utter most perfect and pure, I call this love and safe.
To embrace this moment without any distraction is the fear. I hat to admit it, but I won't let go of this. For my weak soul of someone I am not. I have carried on when my gift was opened, but was always damaged to all who took my breath away. Yet never gave it back.. I try to ignore these things, for my true awakening will be when I get it back. For only one has this power, I know and stay stuck in my own pathetic place, that I think is real. I am going to have a brand new awakening, I will be reborn with no wasted space, only death will stop this....
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