When I was young I used to dream of being a mermaid
of how nothing could touch me in the sea.

There were no mothers with hands like dead tree branches, long and bony.
No fathers so cold you could feel the sadness escaping from them
No love to fall and scratch your hands and knees on

One night I went into the ocean stepping off sand that was still warm from the sun
I walked into the water and felt the cold surround me.

Like arms I always longed for
I was the daughter of the ocean not of a politically correct couple who thought their little girl had shut all the doors leading to her future.

I felt it surround me, come inside me until it was all I could taste or touch.
I saw the flashed of a life that was not only physically damaging but emotionally unhealthy
I saw blue eyes that hurt so they didn't spill tears
I saw a smile that made my heatrt skip a beat even though it could have easily been my last

I felt the saltwater sting my lungs as it burned away all my imperfections
As I inhaled the salty water I looked into the stars and saw him
When I woke up they told me that a boy with sad eyes and scarred arms had carried me there
Stayed by my side
Watched me sleep
And when I woke up
He was gone
Since then I've gotten a little better
I don't need the pills to sleep anymore
My dreams not as tumultuous
I don't want to be a mermaid anymore
I still look for my angel
Waiting for the day that I can take his tears into my body
So i can once again be filled with purifying salt water and radient love.