I Waited For Him In The Rain

11 Comments

Poem Commentary

Dear Sempersperans,
I corrected the grammatical and errors that I saw and I also re-wrote the poem. Thank you for your wisdom and an honest critique  Please reread it and give it a rating.. Thank you.

Sincerely,
CatsMeow

I Waited For Him In The Rain

The skies were blue, as I waited for you
There was bright sun, it passed the hour of two.
You wanted me to wait of that I knew
What motives that darkened sky had?
 

I wondered as time passed by
Yet I was calm thou passionate still,
This love unfilled was overdue.
So I waited here as you asked me to.
I was dressed in my beautiful powdered blue.

 
Someone pass this lonely place, asking me
"You need a ride, the skies have darkened?
"Whimsy weather, “he said is coming this way.
There is no longer a cheerful clouds or sun.
He beckons run, to this truck or pay the price
It's a long way to town, that's my honest advice."
"Armored plated you are not, so be wise."
Stop baiting me, can't you see. I'm waiting.
I just reinstate it. Now, may I have your leave?
It’s but a mid-summer’s eve as I waited for him.
The stranger took his chance. I kept my stance.

 

Then came the rain, falling like splatters of paint.
I will endure. I shall kept the faith.
It’s for him, my love. I will wait in rain or shine.
As true lovers do, I'm betting he’ll come.
I’ll wait for him ‘til the setting sun.
If he don’t come, the rain would have won.



Now soaking wet, I lost the bet
I just stood there in the rain.
My face and clothes all wet.
I thought I saw his silhouette.
Happy at last, not caring that I was wet. 
I love him, so glad I did not go away.
But the silhouette was not you, my beau.
It was the man from the truck, a rope in tow.

 

"I fear your man is dead, don’t wait no more,"
There was an accident near the outer shore
With my rope I could not pull him out
The road damaged by waters with a rapid flow,
The rushing waters pulled him down.



I could hear him say, tell her that waits
That I ran so fast I couldn’t see.
The path was filled with such debris
As raging waters pulled me down.
""You’ll know her by her dress of blue.
My waiting flower with love so true."

 

Salty tears begin to mix with rain
Such pain in that mixture tears & pouring rain.
Tonight there will be no champagne.  
Only if I could turn back time
I’d be his girl and he’d be my man.


© Cats Meow 2009.  All Rights Reserved

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SavVySam commented on I Waited For Him In The Rain

04-03-2010

Wow! I LOVE this story poem...from line one it grabbed and pulled me in great lines throughout the piece and here is just one I loved!"You’ll know her by her dress of blue. My waiting flower with love so true." Great work! You should enter this again into the contest, just to get it read more!!

gogant commented on I Waited For Him In The Rain

10-07-2009

Hey Cat, you have given the world a special gift with the words of this piece...truly wonderful.........................................g.

CatsMeow

10/07/2009

Thank you. You are truly awesome. You have helped me a lot.

Sempersperans commented on I Waited For Him In The Rain

09-23-2009

I like your revisions, Cat'sMeow , and find your poem more affecting each time I read it ; to me that shows the power of deep , painful emotion superbly expressed .I wish I could write poetry with such love & skill ! Sempersperans

Creation commented on I Waited For Him In The Rain

09-18-2009

cold memories are hard to bare with...very nice i must say

CatsMeow

09/20/2009

Thank you kindly. I appreciate your imput.

Sempersperans commented on I Waited For Him In The Rain

09-15-2009

This is a really effective and affecting poem , it made me weep for the girl's lost love .There is such care & concern here , so well expressed , that it deserves to rank as a winner ! Honesty & skill combined make this a powerful poem --well done indeed .I look forward with eager anticipation to reading more of your heartfelt poetry --persevere ! Admiringly , Sempersperans .

CatsMeow

09/16/2009

Thanks Sempersperans for your comments.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Franz Kafka (1883-1924) Czech writer.

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