The Way It Use To Be
He is so handsome, those bright eyes, beautiful smile that melts my heart, hair down just below his shoulders, soft mustache. I love all these things about him. I lay on our bed watching him from across our bedroom, he sits in his big over stuffed chair playing a game on his laptop unaware i am watching him as i so often do. I lay here watching him thinking about how things used to be not so long ago. We used to talk for hours, about everything, teasing each other, laughing, we had so much fun. We talked about our dreams, things we wanted to do together. I loved the way he held me close and whispered in my ear " I love you baby ". I loved the way he touched me, so soft and gentle, the way he kissed me, the way he used to look at me. I cherish every memory, for now it is not often he does those things anymore. Now he seems so distant and angry most of the time. I lay here watching him, emotions running through me, so deep, i love him so much. I want to wrap my arms around him and pour my heart out but i can not do that, for that would anger him more. I lay here fighting back tears burning behind my eyes, for crying is not aloud. I try to talk to him about how i feel, how things have changed between us, he always says the same thing, " it will get better in time ". I want to scream out how long will that be, ten years from now ?? But i know better than to say anything, so i remain silent, and put my words on paper where he will never see how i truly feel inside. I lay here in silence watching him and wanting to be cuddled in his arms, the only place i feel safe.July 9th 2009
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