Train of Thought

4 Comments

Tags:
  • Sadness
    • Jordan
    • is hoping for some feedback on what he has written.

    Train of Thought

    Rain falls from the sky in relentless torrents of despair.

    ...Bound by nature's austere authority, the glistening drops of dew are inexorably drawn from the heavens...

    Behind a shuddering window-pane, a man watches the storm with eyes devoid of life.

    ...His path is inextricably interwoven with that of the circumstance he observes...

    Caught in this merciless maelstrom of fate, he struggles in a vain attempt at freedom.

    ...Yet the cloth of Destiny is woven too tightly for strength alone to prevail...

    In defeat, the man's longing gaze shifts to a time prior to the present...



    Through the hazy delirium of his losses, he views an exuberant young boy, and is comforted.

    ...But the solace of this image is quickly whisked away by the winds of change...



    As curiosity is invoked by nostalgia, he questions the cloud-obscured stars:
    "How could I allow myself to become an anathema to this fleeting glimpse of my youth?" ...



    Unheard by the world, his musings float on the diaphanous mists of loneliness.

    ...Only to be engulfed by the hostile downpour...



    Hope now lost, he permits his morbid thoughts to speed down the rails of his disintegrating psyche.

    ...Thus he plunges into a state of mind that transcends reality...



    Just as the rain must inevitably reach the ground in cadence with Mother-Earth's drums, he has arrived at his pre-determined destination:

    ...Dementia...

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    letitbee commented on Train of Thought

    12-27-2008

    ...the author questions. your poems are deep! keep up the imagery and symbolism.

    letitbee commented on Train of Thought

    12-27-2008

    ...is feedback on your poems i suggest you consider your audience. the average joe isn't going to know what "anathema, diaphanous,or maelstrom" mean. i personally like to to dig deep into a poem, but we aren't always so fortunate to be able to ask t

    letitbee commented on Train of Thought

    12-27-2008

    oh that's not cool...i left you a super long comment but apparently there is a limit on how long it can be. i continue in another one...

    letitbee commented on Train of Thought

    12-27-2008

    i can read your poems over and over and change my view on it each time. when i first read this i thought it was going to be a poem of beautiful imagery but it's more than that, it's a story. you have an amazing vocabulary! if what you're looking for

    Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

    Jordan’s Poems (7)

    Title Comments
    Title Comments
    A Dark Affirmation 1
    The True Nature of Isolation 0
    The Precipice 5
    The Vagabond 0
    Train of Thought 4
    The Moon 2
    The Enlightenment 3