Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

I'm new here and new to poetry. I would great appreciate some criticism about my work. I look forward to review some of the work of others here.



Mangus

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

I'm new to this site and haven't had too many critiques, but I'd be very interested in getting some feedback. Please feel free to do so and I shall return the favor if so desired.
The most recent ones are : Speak, The Raven [part 2], and A Fitting End but plese feel free to browse my other works as these are not necessarily representative of all my work.

~ Raven

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

I am down... critique me away

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

Feel free to massacre my brain children.

Ahem:
Roses are red
We are but a few
Help re-construct my art
I beg of you!

http://www.originalpoetry.com/poet/Pape
The older poems probably would be the easiest to re-work for the newer ones are quite short. When and or if you leave your opinion just paste a link to either your site or a piece of work you would like me to critique then I can do the same for you!

p.s. Sometimes my work and meaning is lost in my wording, so if you don't get it feel free to ask questions and I will happily try to explain what I was thinking and why I took that approach.

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

I am very interested in this. I have always wanted some feedback, no matter what kind. and the truthful is the best. i have been on this site for a while and don't think anyone has read anything. although i am having a block kind of year, i would still like feedback to help get me out of this slump i am in. i am more than willing to help anyone in anyway that i can. thank you for setting this up. good luck to everyone. i hope you all receive what you need to continue on with your writing.

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

thank you very much for having a place where i can get help with my work before submitting it to others to read i ahev written my first poem and i had a respond of not goood editing not sure where i went wrong just put down what i was feeling hope that i can be help here to become a better writer

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

poetry hangover

11:30 pm
wrote a poem
then two more
2:15 am
got in bed
read some pages
to get sleepy
forgotten poem
i'd written
in my head
at 10:30 am
suddenly popped
back into
my mind
ran down the
stairs to
the typer'
at 3:00 am
and got it out
before it
miraged' again
4:15 am
went to bed
fell asleep
( time unknown)
barking dogs n
sirens woke me
at 7:55 am
with a poetry hangover

Safe

Safe

Safe
Safe
Most art is safe
Most lives are safe
Most talk is safe
Strike me
Shock me
Fuck safe

wine flys

Wine flys


Wine flys
No matter were you are
Or where you go
They will find you
You can't escape the wine flys
I have been in fine resaturants
And vinyards and the wine flys
Have found me
The price of the wine has no matter
Wine flys will find you
If you are wearing a two thosand
Dollar dress or a thrift shop cover all the wine flys will find you.
Think and act as you may. The wine flys don't give a shit

Pumpkin Spiced Beer

Pumpkin spiced beer


I'm at a bar in the suburbs
About sixty miles from manhattan
The jets game is blaring in the back round. I'm surrounded by football jerseys and I have a book of poetry written by bukowski and an order of spinach dip and chips while I read about his whores and three day drunks and sex and sex and it all seems so dysfunctional yet so cut to the chase no bullshit human behavior.

I feel like a strange visitor from another planet dropped onto the alien surface of football and beer as as I sip red wine and read this mans
drunken truths.
I'm sober but my head spins from the juxtaposition of what encircles me.
This is life the way I like it.
Every body is drinking pumpkin spiced beer rimmed with brown sugar crystals so I put the poems and red wine aside and ordered one and it tastes absolutely delicious.

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

Decision to Strip
Dispatch from the Beehive Beach Shacks

I am the only bee in the beehive
There are no other bees
496 Dune Road Southampton , NY
Completely alone
High tide
I have no food
No music
Nothing but my own self
I can go on the deck and scream
And nobody will hear me
I have no change of clothes
It is near midnight
The moon has the sky
The breeze of the ocean is steady
Summer sun and warm ocean tides have yet to cradle the shallow bay
I have choices
I can write
I can go
I can sit here
Or I can strip down to bare
And go into the chilly bay
I did hear a helicopter go overhead
And it made my ears cringe
And I do hear cars wooshing by on dune road but they don't change the fact that I'm here all alone
The only bee at the beehive
So my decision is to strip down
And go into the bay as cold as it might be
At least knowing that I'll be be the only person doing this tonight
Here on dune road and this I must do to christen the beehive and this experience will stay with me forever
The night in early June when I stripped down and went into the cold dark bay.
One day far from now I will close my eyes and see this time. This moment and see it as one of the most wonderful things and wish with all my might that I could do it again and again and again.

Stuck in the 60's

Stuck in the 60's

Revolution
Evolution
Innovation
Imagination
Speculation
Destruction
Re-creation
Experimentation
Human-ization
Realisation
Globalization
Musical-nation
Protestation
War-ation
Love Initiation
Resist propaganda-zation
Question governmentation
Rock and roll-ation
Peace in nation.
Good time to be stuck in
Salutation

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

I've been a bit of a stranger to the forum here for a few days, but it's always fun and a bit enlightening to check back on old topics, as well as, read a few new ones... I guess I'm no different than anyone reading other people's thoughts, I get my own... Sometimes it's difficult to distinguish the issues, from poems... I mean, every poem has some kind of issue for it's existence in the first place, right...??? Reading through comments here, a recurrent theme of some is about structure and style; which is preferred, right, wrong, or otherwise... Another common statement is openly asking for others to critique a person's work and freely offer any advice or criticism about it... As to the structure and style, if it matters to the reader, they'll take issue with that over content; either silently, or say something openly... As to the pitching material works, everyone is shameless there because they want to get read.... But, not everyone is humble or receives feedback, criticism, or advise objectively about their work... Who can blame them...??? It's personal... It's their creation... It doesn't make someone stronger or better by punching them in the chin just to show them they're guard technique is flawed... To me, that's nothing more than offering them ridicule and it won't always be taken the right way, even if well intentioned... I stated in another forum topic about rating poems that anyone who chooses to offer constructive criticism, I believe they should do it privately... Using up comment space to publicly pick and snip at their piece, well... I look at it this way, not one author's name here is listed anywhere as one of the greats of world literature... Noone is perfect, nor the ultimate authority on poetry... So, it comes down to just one thing; personal opinion... And, we all know about opinions, don't we...??? LOL...

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

It's not about the rhythm or rhyme
It's about the feeling at the time
Expression is nourishment
My thoughts are encouragement
Each word has its own beat
Every line is unique
My feelings I express
On paper I confess
What is blind to sight
Is revealed when I write
So go ahead and criticize
But one thing realize
That what is written with a pen
was manifested within


It's the expression that makes the poet
not what the poet has expressed.

Last edited by aliciagall 07-16-2009 at 05:00:17 PM

the black bra

he black bra


keep it on
stilettos too
as my
finger nails
run
down
your
long
silky
legs
until
i'm
kneeling
before you

^
now
let
the
heart pounding
stiffening
black
bra
fall
upon
me
as
you
tell
me
what
to
do

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

I agree with Doug (laydbak1). I will offer constructive criticism in private. It is subject to acceptance or rejection by the author. I do not tend to do it openly since you only create friction.

Many people consider free verse to be a modern form of poetry. The truth is that it has been around for several centuries; only in the 20th century did it become one of the most popular forms of poetry. Its popularity stems from the belief that free verse is poetry without rules; after all, it doesn't rhyme, and it doesn't have a meter. However, what separates poetry from prose is the arrangement of carefully chosen words into verses.

It may be more difficult to write free verse than any other form, simply because the poet has more decisions to make. With a haiku, you know the exact measurement of the poem; your task is easily defined. You need only follow the rules of the pattern. With free verse, there is no pattern until the poet creates one!

I give "kudos" to every poet that not only sits around hoping that someone would read their work, asking people to read their work, but actually reads poetry, constantly, providing feedback to the devoted writer. I just simply wish that we would all do it in a respectful manner, in a private manner, to avoid negative influence upon other readers.

With much love and respect,

Erika Brown

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

W.o.W........ people people people....there is a lot of emotions ttied up in this forum.....the main reason that I have not put my two cents in since the very start of it and at that time didn't understand the motivation and purity of heart that jademellissa had when she started it......I think even to some extent after all the replies and thoughts expressed by so many different people, her stance on the subject has shifted a little to a more excepting encouraging place.....and i commend her for that.....Erika I truly adore your pure heart......and positive outlook on life poetry and the power you have at your disposal...... few people know the true power of their words......

Study111. I am guilty of not reading the classics......I did not know there was a poem called the road less traveled....and now i want to change the name of mine....... I read a book of the same name by M. Scott Peck ...many years ago and loved the simplistic way the meaning of the words shown through.......now i must read poe's poem.......It's not that i don't respect the classics.....I do....I'm just bored by much of the language and I may be crucified for saying this but.....I find that the times we are in right now....the sheer danger the whole world is in of spinning out of control and becoming no more..... The quality of our schools and education system in the US is a joke......the gap between the haves and the haves not is growing wider every day....... the middle class is becoming a victim to technology....and what should enhance our quality of life has come close to making quality obsolete for many.......we have little indusrty left here....computers are taking the place of service industry jobs like checkers at the grocery store and the phone companies and the power companies....you call for tech support and you get mohamed in india....instead of dave down the street....and why because the multi million dollar company can pay mohamed in india 20 bucks a day with no benifits as opposed to the 80 bucks + a day they would have to pay dave.... yet dave has a morgage to pay and property taxes that go to state revenue that fund things like education and with out a job dave is not going to pay any of those things........ but i am getting off topic.... sorry.... let me get back to my point.... and my point is today many writers, be they poets or other types of writers are inspired by life today and sorry to say but many of us find little to be positive or poetic about real life in the usa today..... the dream that our fathers and grand fathers fought for is gone..... it was shipped over to india or it was in our manufacturing jobs that went to china.......or its in our clothes that are made in a sweat shop in mexico who pay the people 2 bucks a day..... what the young people and people my age today see is the break down in each and every area of our society and so you see much more rant and free verse type writing because thats how many of us feel......we are pissed off...... and the classics to many feel out dated or are of a life style that no longer is the reality being lived...... i understand where you are coming from and I respect your desire to pay tribute to the gifted poets of the past..... and i get it ....."The Past Is Prologue" and should be studied for it is bound to repeat itself and there is much to be learned from the classics.....but many of my generation can't find the meaning behind the language because we have been under educated. not an excuse just trying to explain where many poets are coming from today.

And laydbak1..... i agree with everything you said as well as what you didn't say.......you are a true gem to this site and to the art of poetic expression.......keep doing your thing the way only you can......you see the world through very unique glasses and i envy you for it.......AS FAR AS WHAT MY THOUGHTS ARE ON THE TRUE TOPIC OF THIS FORUM.... I AGREE WITH LAYDBAK1 AND COULD NOT HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF.

I'm sorry this was more like 2 dollars than 2 cents but it came from a place of honesty and humble perspective on the world and poetry today

Last edited by JadedJezzabel 07-17-2009 at 03:59:25 AM

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

I write for many reasons......at first it was prior to any internet that I knew of and it was for grades......then it was entertainment for my friends and me to insult one another in the most creative ways possible...then it started becoming my running comentary on my life and the drama I put myself through and it evolved into my ongoing conversations with myself about the world in general........as far as being published it probably will never happen as i have no idea how to even pursue it............as far as what motivates me to write is to challenge myself to creativly blog in rhyme about my trials in life, my relationships with myself and others and my lessons hard learned.....creative self expressions of a challenging nature

jungle - lightening- poetry

jungle lightening poetry



jungle
-vietnam-
terrific storm
end of sky
electric universe
god's swords
angry n jagged
nasty fingers
blue light
blinding
beautiful
horrible
crashing
muddy boot print
body strike
current to brain
brain to mind
rewired -
circuitry
sleep of dead
knocked out
psychedelic dreams
awakening
cohesive thoughts
new patterns
ideas
colors
shapes
understandings
random
uncontrollable
instant - lightening
must record
- write poetry-

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

I like the word critique better than criticism. This is something I must do for my students. I am always careful and begin with what works before I begin my critique. I will never critique unless asked. If someone puts something on paper that is the first step. Words are sacred to the poet and some use their writings to vent. This venting becomes their psychiatrist.

I have said what most of us know well already. I felt I needed to say it again.

I have had some wonderful critiques on my poetry. I thank you for that I am glad to be on this site and will take all your comments and critiques very seriously.



Sally

poetry editor

can anyone suggest a person or firm specializing in editing poetry as opposed to books , novels etc ?? please .

Poetography

Re: poetry editor

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

I am very interested in constructive criticism. Please feel free to look at my poetry and comment on it. I agree that there is a lot of poetry that is not as good as others, and I've written some myself. I think I've written some that are dead on and some that are not as good. So please, feel free, if you dare, to read my poetry and comment on it. It can only help me be a better writer. And isn't that what this is all about. Too much touchy, feely comments are not useful. It isn't enough to just say you like or don't like something. You need to delve into the reasons why.

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

Erika, at your request, I have deleted my reply to the uncalled comment made by Studly111. You deserve the utmost respect. I am truly sorry that some people are unable to be eloquent.

Thank you for always supporting my outside work.

Paul Wall