Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

feel free to critique, good, bad, whatever....i'm always curious what feelings (if any) my poems evoke in others....

peace.

a simple man

A Simple Man

I’m a simple man and grateful for the vegetables that
I gathered and boiled in a pot to make nourishing soup.
This soup will make many meals for me.

I’m a simple man and grateful for the money that
I used to buy a long, freshly–baked loaf of French bread.
This bread will make many breakfasts for me.

I’m a simple man and grateful for the red wine and pure water
I drank with my tasty hot soup and bread tonight.
This wine and water will make many drinks for me.

I am a simple man and grateful for the words
I wrote on clean white sheets of paper.
These words will make many poems for me.

weekend

weekend

friday night
head sinking
into pillows embrace
after work week
mind wanders
two days
ahead
weekend
so i start
checking
possible
things
need to
want to
ought to-
do
list empty
except
get
hair-cut
i
did
this
i
made
my life
this way
i threw
out the
garbage
^
pillow
hair-cut
sweet sleep
so
easy
now

weekend

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

Apology

An apology,
for the sake of an apology,
is sorrow not felt.

hollow words,
spoken in deceit,
destroy the hearts

of battered souls.
hollow words, spoken
for decorum's sake

assault those hearts
again. Empty words
are unseen and uknown

by he who fabricates
an apology. Sorrow
will not awaken

those hollow words,
it will be Truth
that whispers the apology.

And the Truth?
the tears of sorrow and true regret
will not be spilled until death arrives.

--- Jaycee

hell and buddha in the suburbs

http://www.originalpoetry.com/hell-and-buddha-in-the-suburbs_2

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

http://www.originalpoetry.com/taller-than-wide

I'm just getting back into writing. I would love to get some of your opinions.


My skin is thick. Don't hesitate to tell me I'm an idiot.

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

thanks for the invite - please be crucially honest. I'm new at this, but want to know what will make me better at it. Let's do this thing.

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

I believe I can handle constructive criticism, because I know it can only help me and I like to think I wouldn't be so uptight as to take offense to it. I have been writing for as long as I remember (although I'm only 15), however I have just recently decided to write poetry. I am used to recieving a lot of praise for my writing, from family, teachers etc, and I have also been published in Teenink magazine a couple times (sorry if that sounds braggy). It would be good for me to hear constructive criticism from other writers who probably aren't as biased as my parents, however. So please, I welcome anyone to my page who wants to read my poems, rate, comment, and constructively criticize by any means. Thank you.

Last edited by ChewyRibbit 07-21-2009 at 06:57:50 PM

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

Count me in. I am all ears.......


LS

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

Sure why not, I've been criticized all my life for being different!!!
A little constructive criticism, won't do me any harm besides it will only make me sharper
confidence is key!

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

Im in. only published two so far. Twang- and Truth. check them out and hit me hard... Lah!

normal

http://www.originalpoetry.com/normal_5

Robert Mitchum was a Tough Guy

Robert Mitchum was a Tough Guy


I have a job.
I have a pretty good job.
My job pays me good money.
I’m lucky to have a good job that pays me good money.
Today was the warmest Spring day so far.
I think it got close to eighty.
I’m not sure if it hit eighty but it felt like eighty.
I went to work.
I wore shorts.
I left work at lunch time.
So I drove to New York, the city.
I forgot to get lunch.
I almost got a parking ticket.
He said move it quickly.
I like the city because you see a lot of bodies.
In the suburbs you see people in cars.
“Here comes the BMW Frank”
I see Frank’s head and when he waves I see Franks hand.
I took a walk.
For a while, I sat on a bench.
I went back to my apartment.
I called work because I have a good job.
Then I called my friend Bob.
“Bob do you want to have dinner?”
Bob said Artie is coming too.
Bob and Artie are retired New York City Cops.
Cops are good story tellers.
I enjoy listening to them tell stories.
I think cops are good talkers too.
I think when they were cops they talked a lot and told many stories to each other.
There are a lot of ex-cops who write books because they are good story tellers.
We started talking about dead movie stars.
First we talked about Steve McQueen and then Lee Marvin.
We all agreed that we liked Robert Mitchum .
Robert Mitchum, we all agreed, was a tough guy.
He was tough in the movies and out of the movies too.
Robert Mitchum had a 50 inch chest and a 32 inch waist.
When Robert Mitchum was 60 he go into a fight in a bar and knocked a guy out.
We all agreed again that Robert Mitchum was a tough guy.
Bob and Artie both read a book about Robert Mitchum’s life.
I told them that I wanted to read a book about Robert Mitchum’s life too.
We paid the check at the restaurant and left a 20% tip, or better.
The three of us walked up Second Avenue to go to the book store.
Bob knew that the book about Robert Mitchum would be in the movie book section.
I didn’t think of that. I thought biographies.
Bob was right, but the book was out of print.
The store as closing they announced.
I said that I would order the book about Robert Mitchum tomorrow.



copyright 2009 poetography

feedback

how...do you rate some of my recent submissions..do you give feedback on all or just some ?

Ballet Dance

Ballet Dance

Form
Function
Strength
Timing
Motion
Low tech
High style
Muscle
Focus
Perfection
Dedication
Flying
Leaping
Jumping
Twisting
Turning
Stretching
Toes
Arms
Shoulders
Buttocks
Thighs
Calves
Costumes
Colors
Spinning top
Music
Peace
Action
Simple
Complex
Cool
Real
Practice
Patience
Art
Evolutions-
Greatest-
Graceful-
Achievement-
To Ballet dance-
At Lincoln Center .

Re: Ballet Dance

ballet

Thank you ..I appreciate your appreciation!

why poetry for me

what other art form can you sit down and create something, sometimes in just one sitting..
and you can stretch back and say..wow..i did that.. this is my art ..
a book and a painting or a sculpture take many many hours- weeks or years- even a short story can go on for weeks or months..but a poem ...well ..it's art of the highest order and
can be written ( in not all cases) in one sitting...
i've found my art ..this is for me ..

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

Have you ever wished to blow up at the world,
To accuse it of all the wrongs it has done you?
Have you ever gotten so angry with it,
That you demand it pay it's due?
Did you rile and shout?
Did you blame and bite?
Do you know what this is about?
Did you go looking for a fight?

Do you wonder why you don't anymore?
Why you except the world as it is
How you can sleep at night, knowing it's wrong
Like an abusive lover you learned to live for?

How many times will it win out?
With armies of broken souls to serve
Grinding away every good thing
Taking what hard working folks deserve.
Go on! Hit me again!
You tarnished old hag wearing white!
Take my wages and call it sin
For the tears I cry in the night.

Break me if you can
Hate me if you will
Blooded here I make a stand
I have more yet to spill.

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

Hi there!
I'm fairly new to this site and I'm a great big fan of constructive criticism. I would greatly appreciate it if anyone would come to my page, read my stuff and tell me what they think. Be brutally honest, you wont hurt my feelings. I asked for it, remember?

Thanks to anyone who does.

Apologies are Bull-Shit

http://www.originalpoetry.com/apologies-are-bull-shit

My Shit Together

My Shit Together


After I wake up;
drink strong coffee;
take a shower,
I sort of know how well
my day is going to go
based on how long it takes
me to get all my shit together like my:

Cell phone
Sun Glasses
Clear Glasses
Digital Camera
Keys
Wallet
Shoes
Money
Mail from yesterday
Dry cleaning tickets
Bla, Bla, Bla
This that and...
the other thing.

Yea, when I get my shit together
I’ll know.



poetography copyright 2009

The Bulls of New York

The Bulls of New York

Here they come
like charging yellow bulls.

The traffic signal sways in
the winter wind like a matador’s red cape
in the Spanish fighting ring.

The yellow bulls see red
and they power back and then lurch

I see them charge towards my position
one short block away. I thought I
could beat the burst of the yellow bulls
as I crossed Third Avenue at
32nd Street, but I misjudged their speed
and determination and lack of mercy
towards pedestrians crossing avenues in between reds.

The bulls here are serious and on the hunt,
corralled on all sides, not by fence or barbed wire
but by rushing rivers and gushing Atlantic tides.

From where I sit I see bulls,
ceaselessly circling.




copyright poetography 2009

Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

im in, please feel free to comment/critique any or all of my poems! i would love the feedback!!!!

Re: Re: Are you interested in constructive criticism? Can you handle it?

Yes, I'm in this is totally knew to me I have ALOT of LEARNING to do I know I need help thanks!