slip

2 Comments

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  • Dreams Wakefulness Sleep

    Poem Commentary

    I"m going to bed now...really!!

    slip

     wake not

    much longer

    sleep 's tendrils like alien life forms

    gripping me, suction cups and slipping

    for the last two hours

    toothpick-propped eyelids

    drooping in between the picks

    dream fists curl 

    Got me some angry lonely dreams waitin'

    do i REALLY want to go there now? 

    what can dreams do, right? 

     

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    RHPeat commented on slip

    02-13-2011

    It sounds like the 3 lines in the closure are the opening to the poem and that curled dream fists are the real closure. Closure being what ties turning point and opening together to form a new concept. Just a thought there. I love "toothpick propped eyes drooling." A fantastically real concrete image that is painful to think about. A poet friend//RH Peat
    Reply to Comment

    VoiceMilkNHoney

    02/13/2011

    k, thanks you two. I love your perspectives, always.

    shallenemcgrath commented on slip

    02-13-2011

    okay, okay -OK... I think that it would be a more powerful poem if you led with the last three lines.
    Reply to Comment

    In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

    Franz Kafka (1883-1924) Czech writer.

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