Standing Uneasily Still


Standing Uneasily Still

Years of pain all bottled up,
Ready to explode,
Tears roll down my cheeks,
Hands covered in dirt,
Trying to bury the past,
The further I dig,
The more I realize the past will never disappear,

Yearning for closure,
So certain for so long,
That without the apologies I sought out,
That I'd never really be okay,
I wanted to know they were sorry,
That maybe they felt just a little shame,
Cry over me, I cried over you,

But as time has gone by,
And the closure I wanted eluded me,
The bitterness grew,
I felt anything but peace,
Screaming silently for retribution,
In my darkness,
I just wanted to find the light,

Jaded and blinded by hate,
I couldn't seem to find my way out,
Until I finally saw the sun,
It was always at my back,
I just had to turn around,
Standing there with a blank look on my wet face,
Unsure of where to go,

Realizing now that I'm only in control of myself,
I can't make someone do or feel anything,
If I want closure, I must find it within myself,
Wanting so desperately to move forward,
Instead of standing still while the world continues to turn,
Looking within is sometimes the hardest thing to do,
Facing demons I never wanted to see,

Hurt, both caused by and inflicted upon me,
Pain, jealousy, anger, selfishness,
All twisted me into someone I never wanted to be,
Learning to truly forgive is harder than burying the pain,
We say we hate pain,
But we seem to like to re-visit the past,
Giving us reasons to sulk and gripe,

I want to be forgiven for my transgressions,
But, I must also forgive others,
God forgave me,
I just need to forgive myself and others,
I want peace,
Now I just need to find it and claim it,
Instead of waiting for it to find me....

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Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion.

T. S. Eliot (1888-1965) American-English poet and playwright.

CarissaMarie’s Poems (27)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Our Story 0
Standing Uneasily Still 0
For Him 1
Walking Contradiction 1
Under Lock & Key 0
Forever Connected 0
Once Held Down, Not Anymore 0
Home Sweet Wisconsin 0
Redneck City Girl 0
Beautiful Wreckage 0
Dedicated to the One I Love 0
Annilese 0
Small Moments, Big Memories 0
Different Kind of Christmas Song 1
Tribute 0
No More Chains 1
Through My Eyes 1
6:00P.M. 0
Drive 0
Never Know 0
Sunday Afternoon 0
More Than Enough 0
United We Stand 0
Never Forget 0
Good-bye to You 0
Understudy 0
Cliffhanger 0