"If you wanna be somebody
if you wanna go somewhere
you better wake up and pay attention."

From artist like photographers
painters and even designers.
They all have a muse.
That one song
That one quote
even that one person that inspire them the most
Keeps them pushing
even when there down to their last dime.
The little man on their shoulder
that speaks to them
just before they jump off that bridge of nerves.

However, For someone like myself
that place in unknown.
from the eyes of another person
I'm the world of togetherness.
from the words that floats thru my lips
i speak of lands beyond confidence.
from every step for man kind i take
I led them to believe theres two more just for me.

Honestly.
Thats just how it seems.
For me things are different.
From the mother who makes you know eveyday
you are her mistake.
To the father who is there
but yet a stranger to your thoughts.
A stepfather to be who just dont speak.
Then a family who just don't understand the concept of one.

I can say I do love them
but then again aren't i suppose to?
Lets look at the
supportive mother who takes it so far
it looks like a plan to destroy it all.
Seven years trying to understand who you are
Seven years wasted on tears and heartache.
Seven years to call my self your "daughter."
Seven years coming out of this game a loser.
Seven years playing a role i wasn't made for.
seven years of your hate and poured on regrets.
My seven years of bad luck.

Now you see my father.
Hes a kind man.
A man at the age of 40+
still trying to find his voice.
I mean no one said it wasn't going to take forever.
But how long does it takes to notice your daughter.
16 years calling yourself my brother.
Now where did you hide my father?
Every year on the sixth of may i wait for him.
The man i call my father to show his face.
I'm sorry my "brother"
but i want the real man i share this day with
The one i took my birthday from.
The one who is the missing number of this equation
1+_= ABENNA.
Do you see him yet?

If you're not getting my point less begin again.
stepfather to be.
the peace maker in a house of bees.
buzzing about this problem and stinging each other at the drop of a pin.
Where's your voice in this thing.
this thing we call a relationship
only speak when it conventient.
Telling me of my mistakes
Making that woman call my mother win again!
Haven't you notice for a peace maker
you suck at it.

enough about them now about me.
the one person they've missing from this story.
the mistake the sister and the bee.
you see
I've been called a drama queen.
Therefore acting is for me.
Even the master of color
then painting is my calling.
Beauty infront and behind the camera
so modeling and photography is my life.
But you see the thing about all this
is that for perfection to be one
it has to be inside and out.

I haven't found that song that sings to me
that song with the beat of my heart
the lyrics of my life
the Mix cd i rename a thousand times
till it expresses who I am.
I haven't heard the quote with a thousand words said in oneway.
The person my work must be seen by before they world do.
But then I realized as i write
that I do know that song of life
I have my quote on time
and that person can only be me.

But now you ask me
whats the point of the family thingy?
You see I just wanted to get my point across
that turning left to right
I have no open arms if me myself & I dont agree.

So like its been said before
I am the artist with her own muse.
i am the actress for being a drama queen
I am the model photographer
because i can work the camera.
I am the painter beacause i've mastered colors.
i am the poet who wrote her life story with a couple of words.