Remember

1 Comments

Tags:
  • Lost Love
    • rokinfire
    • is waiting for something exciting to happen!

    Poem Commentary

    This was just a poem I wrote around 6 am on August 12th, 2009.

    Remember
    Seeing this place
    Takes me back to a time
    When everything was simple
    It was just yours and mine.

    Remembering those nights
    That we had spent together
    Speaking those words
    Saying we will last forever.

    When we came to an end
    There was a pain I couldn't bare
    You told me we were done
    And acted like you didn't care.

    You said those words
    That cut me so deeo
    You left me without a sound
    Leaving me alone to weep

    I let you take control
    Of everything in my life
    Let you have my heart
    Then you stabbed it with a knife

    I still remember those nights
    And everything we done
    Remembering our love
    And how it ceased to none.

    Poem Comments

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    cmlestrade commented on Remember

    09-17-2009

    Because you are 13 I think this is an excellent effort and at first I was going to skip the technical critique but since you are an excellent poet I think that it has to be included. We all need help in that area and that includes me more than most. There was an error in verb tense in stanza two. typos or mispellings in stanzas three and four, The last stanza is a bit hard for me. line 2 and 4 were very awkward. It seemed as if you had to make the second and last line rhyme sacrificing grammar to make it work. I hope you don't mind the critique. I make many errors, and my poems on this site attest to that fact. Like I said before you are an excellent poet and I think everyone should keep everyone else on their toes.
    Reply to Comment

    Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.

    Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) U.S. poet.

    rokinfire’s Poems (11)

    Title Comments Submitted
    Title Comments Submitted
    You.. 0 07/23/2010
    Remember 1 09/16/2009
    Wrong 1 08/21/2009
    False Love 0 07/23/2009
    The day 0 07/08/2009
    Fade 0 06/17/2009
    The Truth 2 06/06/2009
    Stop 0 06/06/2009
    Lovers Last 1 06/05/2009
    The Word 1 07/08/2009
    FromThe Start 1 05/18/2009
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