To Not Be Me

The world has a weight on my shoulders
I cannot bear
It’s always the same, the wear and tear
Everyone’s eyes always look to me
Their fingers are pointed mercilessly
They laugh and they mock
They ignore me standing there
So I just look at the clock
And wonder how long I have to stay here
I don’t want to be who I am
I don’t want to live this life
I want to be miles away
Away from all the hurt, pain, and stress of my life
I want to be more than what I am now
I want to be like all the others
Who walk by my path
I don’t want to be me
I don’t want to be less than ordinary
People always say that I’m not like them
They make it obvious who I am
They can’t see past the faces, the words
They can’t see the real me under all the hurt
No one can, and no one ever will
It’s only me and me alone
I’m left in the cold chill
I suffer alone, every night and every day
I walk my path alone, I go my own way
Because no one will walk with me
No one will pick me up from the ground
And I don’t see anyone around
They’re all in the distance together,
No regrets for them
They have all they’ve ever wanted and needed,
They all have true friends
I have me, and that’s all I’ll ever have
No one wants to come near me
No one wants to stretch out their hands
They have no idea what I live through every day
In my own mind, I’m nothing worth living for
So I drift off to a better place
There I’m accepted, treated, and loved
There’s nothing or no one that hates me there
Everything’s just fine, it’s a place where
Only friendship is allowed, only happiness and security
I think of that everyday…what it would be like to not be me
But no one sees it
Only I live that fantasy
Everyone else has one of their own, in reality
I’m alone in a field, alone I will always be
I’ll never be different, who I am is who I am for eternity
Everyone thinks I’ve always had it easy
But I’ve always felt different than the way those people view me
On the outside, it may seem like I have life down
I don’t know why someone would say something if they’ve seen me around
Inside, it’s all empty, all dark and lonely
It’s quiet and raining
But no one comes to shelter me from the rain
I called out, but still no one came
So I lay there on the ground, thinking of what it would be like to not be me
To be happy
To have friends that won’t go behind your back
To have something worth living that I can look back to
But it’ll never be like that, not for me
I try and I try but nothing seems to set me free
And so I stay here, helplessly