life span

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    life span

     And we met that day
    My distant cousins
    grunting ancient species
    couldn't comprehend the eclipse
    controversial the intrigue
                 
    hippoptami flourished in the Thames
    as did the void in their hearts
    I came to
    ages after 
    listened to the voice fade
    drifted presence
    the life time of a species

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    ccslim commented on life span

    06-02-2009

    lol I have cousins that grunt like that! Hehehe Good write following well to the end. The only hiccup I felt is the tense used with listened.
    Reply to Comment

    davidcircle

    06/04/2009

    hi I think I see what you mean which in your opinion should it be? cheers for the interest

    DirtyLilSecret commented on life span

    06-01-2009

    Nice flow and nice use of imagery! You have a way of working the words to your advantage! I look foreward to reading more of you work
    Reply to Comment

    davidcircle

    06/04/2009

    thanx very much that gives me hope!!!

    IzzyGumbo commented on life span

    05-30-2009

    nice! hippie of theAlamo!us you rock and so just does your mind.of a life timed rhymed of a species. Yes in deed. you do. :) write very well too.
    Reply to Comment

    Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

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