Are You Listening?

Lord, I lay in bed tonight,
As I have thes past several years,
Convulsing.
I pray in your name everynight
And still I wonder if you even
Hear my cries,
For everynight I pray for strength,
For guidance,
For will power,
And within an hour or so,
I find myself in the tub
Shivering,
Because my blood is so damn cold.
Can you even hear me Lord?
Are you even listening?
Do you even care about
The pointless struggles I have
Ensuing?
I want you to feel my pain,
Lord, as I pray for mercy,
But I get no sign, no indication,
That you even heard me at all.
And after all is said and done
All I can do is lay here and cry.
Because you refuse to answer
My prayers.
All I desire is stregnth, Lord.
Will I be granted this?
Do I have to go to the cathedral
And colapse upon my knees
Infront of the crucifiz
Before I can be helped?
PLEASE!
Just tell me what to do
And I swear I will do it.

I tell you this,
Night after lonely night.
I cry to you as I dig into my arms.
I sing my prayers in all of my songs.
I write you notes.
I don't know what to do anymore,
And you refuse to tell me how
To help myself.
You must not be listening.

But I will pretend htat you
Are too busy.
After you have a whole human race to care fure
And I'm just one tattered soul.
If I am wrong,
And you hear my cries,
Show me the lighted path to takes.
I await you Lord.
Until then,
Well,
I will tell myself you
are infact busy.
Because if I lose hope that
You will help me,
Then how can I believe in myself?

Forgive me Father,
For I have fallen farther
Than you can reach.
Perhaps,
One day, I can find my
Way back to you.
But, I will continue
To speak to you
Each and every night
I cannot give up
On the only hope that maybe
Someday
You will hear me


AMEN