Paper Clips

As I swim trough a mind of troubling thoughts
My heart is beating inside of my skull.
I cannot breathe; I cannot stop
I'm reaching, reaching, and becoming dizzy.

Harmless to some, release for me.
I take the pointed end and dig it deep.
Down my arm in slow and tight strokes,
Push down the lump forming in my throat.

Close my eyes and breathe deep
Don't forget I have to make it neat.
"What is that?' they will surely ask,
"My cat went wild" and I will leave it at that

And then he sees what it is that I have done.
He takes a tack and carves on his hand.
My heart ripped out, my soul now bearing a cleft,
Just like the dime when my grandmother left.

Not a goodbye, not one last kiss
It's when I started to do things like this.
After her death, not one dear did fall,
I showed no emotion, no sorrow at all.

The paper clips helped me to feel once again,
And when I feel sadness, I begin to bend. 
Bend it down so I can push it in farther,
In a way it helps me say goodbye to my second mother.

She gave me a home, love and support,
Fare more that a grandmother with an average size heart.
But to cut makes me cry, Like I should have when she died,
It releases the sorrow I carry inside.

I know I should stop, and mourn her in a more proper fashion,
But now its my outlet, I just cannot stop slashing.
How sad she would be if she knew what I was doing,
How would she help me to stop what I'm doing?

I will never know what she would have said, 
Because sadly we cannot awaken the dead.
So I will continue to mourn her tragic death,
Not in a church, but with paper clips instead.