MY LIFE SO FAR
MY LIFE SO FARby brianlion
I am unique, just like billions of other people.
No one can be exactly like me.
Some days, even I have trouble doing it.
I love my children, but they try me.
I take them everywhere I go.
But they always find their way back home.
My Dad is 77 years old.
He took up jogging to find himself.
Now I can't find my Dad.
I had to take a test for my job.
Tests tell us who are the best at taking tests.
But they don't tell us who the best people are.
I was standing in line the other day.
I moved to the other line because it was faster.
Then the line I just left started moving faster.
I cannot talk about my life.
I can only write about it.
Life is too important to ever just chit chat about.
I read that we only use 20% of our brain.
After watching people drive on the highway,
I didn't think it was even that much.
Some people are lucky to be alive.
They are still alive
Because it's illegal to shoot them.
Sooner or later I'm going to breath an atom.
One that has been breathed in before.
I'm hoping for Jesus, or Lincoln, or Mozart.
I don't know if I am a butterfly
Who dreamed he was a man?
But either way, I watch out for the net.
I try to be wiser than most people.
I'm just coy about it.
I don't tell them I am.
Love of money is the root of all evil.
For more information,
Please send me $20.
I don't have alot of talent.
But there's one thing I can do better than anyone.
I can read my own handwriting.
Everytime I think about regrets in my life,
I feel terrible. So I've made a fateful decision.
I have decided not to think about it.
Life is funny sometimes.
I have decided to accept nothing but the best.
Now, that is what I am getting.
I once attended a seminar on positve thinking.
But they threw me out of the class.
I was depressing the other students.
I knew I was depressed when I was taking a bath.
The phone rang.
I didn't get out of the tub to answer it.
Death is something most of us experience.
Unless we are sequoia trees, turtles...
Or Shirley Maclain.
When I didn't have money, the problem was food.
When I had money, the problem was girls.
When I had both, I worried about my health.
I need to buy a new bird for my grandmother.
She's 94, and doesn't realize her bird is dead.
She still talks to it and kisses it, and rubs its head.
I phoned my Dad today.
I told him I had quit smoking cigars.
He called me a quitter.
I pray for world peace.
I hope men would put down their weapons of violence.
I also would like to retire at age 55.
I am a breast man.
I like other parts too.
But when I go to KFC, I always buy breasts.
I am a brownie hound.
I know that sounds perverted.
But after my chicken, I eat a brownie for desert.
I am a but man.
When my wife asks me why-I always say,
"I would have done it, but..."
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