• BigDaddyCash
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Poem Commentary

A love affair that that lasted a month leaving beautiful memories that will last forever.
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This story is every word the truth. I never in my wildest imagination expected anything so wonderful to happen to me. Pingsi really loved me as I loved her. She gave me the best of times while they lasted and it was the hardest thing I've ever done to set her free. I met her on July 17 and put her on a "727" August 18. Our love affair was very short but she gave me more in that short time then anyone ever has in my entire life time.

I'm going to tell you a real love story about an outstanding lady that recently came into my life. This lovely lady was much more the just a falling star she was a blast of stars from the whole galaxy. Her outstanding beauty and affectionate personality completely captured my heart and soul and left me in a dizzy blissfamy (The prison of love).. What can I say? I'm still stunned by the splendor of her individuality. All I can say is she brought out the little boy, young man, Lover and Saint in me.

One month ago almost to the day I walked into Zion's Bank to talk to somebody about refinancing. The lines were long so I had quite a wait. While waiting in line I couldn't help noticing a new girl behind one of the desks. My God she was enchanting. I couldn't help staring at her, she had me mesmerized, every once in a while she'd catch me watching her and I'd have to look away in embarrassment.

I don't know how to describe it but everything about her had me caught in a magic spell, her engaging smiled, her every delightful movement, the musical splendor of her voice and most of all her extraordinary beauty.

When I reached the end of the line she beckoned me over to her desk. She was so completely enchanting that I forgot what I'd come to the bank for. When I opened my mouth nothing would come out and finally after regaining control of my vocal cords I mumbled, I came here specially to see you. She laughed and said my names Pingsing and that broke the ice.

We talked for about 30 minutes and it was for sure I'd made a very special friend. I forgot to mentioned the real reason why I'd come to the bank. That would have to be put off until another day.

When I got home all I could think about was her, I wanted to hold her and hug her and kiss her and love her. There is no doubt about it she had captured my heart hook, line and sinker. I was as excited as a little kid under the tree on Christmas morning.

For the rest of the day her lovely face materialized where ever I looked. She was on my TV, my computer, my doors and my walls and the ceiling. She was everywhere I happen to gaze. I was completely enthralled by her presence.

Finally when I came back to my senses I realized that Pingsing could never be more than a friend, after all I was more then twice her age. The only way I could ever have her would be in my dreams and my fantasies‘. But even knowing didn't help because I was burning up with desire. I never felt this way about any other women before and I was married and loved a wonderful woman for 26 years.

That night I couldn't sleep just thinking about her. The more I thought about her the more in love I became. Finally I sat down and put my feelings to rhyme. This is what I wrote and what I felt at the time.


I Call Her Pingsi


I met the fairest maiden . . . In a West Valley town.

She was a gleaming orchid. . .in a Godly woven gown

I know I won’t forget her. . .as long as I may live

For she was the fairest flower. . that God could ever give.

Beautiful and lovely. . . and as charming as could be.

I knew I had to have her. . . that she was meant for me.

Her lips were sweet and tender. . and filled my heart with bliss

I knew I had to hold her close. . and I longed for that first kiss.

She was mine for just a moment and she stole my heart away.

Now she’s vanished into nowhere. .Left me in dismay.

How can I live with out her. . .She was right for me

The fairest maiden of them all. .Is now just history.

I know I can’t forget her . . . And it’s plain to see.

That she’ll always be in my heart as a lovely fantasy.

As you can plainly see it was love at first sight you should also know that I was completely blinded by my feelings. After living so many years alone, had love made that magical entry into my lonely life.

The bank where Pingsi worked happened to be located in the store where I bought all my groceries. For the next few days I made more trips to that store then I usually make in two or three months. I bought flowers each day and put them on her desk with no note but I know she knew they were from me. Finally out of desperation I asked her out to lunch and was shocked and surprised when she said she'd love to go. That was the beginning of the most beautiful and exciting love affair of my entire life.

Right from the start I was aware of the vast years that separated us in age not in mind. I tried everything to justify our togetherness. I even wrote letters to my closest friends asking for advice and their opinions. I guess I was hoping that they would say it's all right, love conquers all. I wrote the following note to a friend hoping that the reply would be, go for it my friend.


Note to a friend;

It's not really lust it's love and I won't let it get out of hand but she makes me feel like I'm 30 again. Her name is Pingsing and she's a real sweetheart, beautiful and smart. She's been my friend and companion for about three weeks and I'm really having a ball. I guess the easiest way to describe her is that she is very caring compassionate, real passionate and loving and has a lot to offer that special deserving someone. She's been hurt in the past so I guess it's fair to say that she's come to me on the rebound. Believe me , I'm not foolish enough to actually think that I'm that special deserving someone but I've been here for her and she's been great for me. Hell, I'm 40 years older then she is but right at the present I'm as good a lover as any man her age, so is it wrong to want to enjoy it as long as I can. I can give her the best for a while and then let her go. Don't you think that having the best for a while is better then never having had the best at all?

By the way she's an oriental girl and there's no way in the world that I can pronounce her oriental name. That's all I have to say except I care enough to let her go if and when she finds that very special someone.


Pingsi and I did things together that I haven't done in years. Her likes and dislikes were the same as mine. We went bowling, to the movies, to art galleries, horse shows and fairs. We took long walks with my animals and had lunch in the park Everything we did together turned out to be real special. Everything together was heavenly and divine.

Pingsi would do things just to give me happiness and pleasure. I know she was falling in love with me and I definitely had fallen for her.

Most of the people I knew frowned on our affair and called me that dirty old man. I was always writing notes trying to get the approval of my closest friends. Here's another plea from my heart trying to get them to understand.



This lady is something real special. Last night while I was working She did my laundry and cleaned my house up as neat as a pin. This morning when I got home she had breakfast waiting for me (steak and eggs and biscuits smothered in home made gravy.) She stayed at my house last night but she's not living with me.(Not yet anyway). She has a roommate that parties a lot so she likes to come over to my place and watch TV and play with Lady and Charley. She has a sister age 36 who's married to a guy 22 years older than she. She tells me that in her country it's not unusual for women to marry men much older then they are. But damn it, I'm old enough to be her grandfather. As a matter of fact I'm 20 years older then her father. This morning you asked me what was going on with me and my new lady friend well, she's still just a friend but she shows me more affection then any one ever has. Last Sunday we went bowling, to dinner and to a movie, the first time I've done anything like that in years. When I took her home we sat in the car and talked for hours. I even got in a little smooching. No I haven't made love to her yet, but I'm ready when ever she's ready. Ready and willing and willing and willing. When I'm not with her I dream about making mad passionate love to her and taking her all around the world, if you know what I mean.


I sent this message trying to be as macho as I could be, but deep down inside I wanted somebody to agree that it was alright for Pingsi and me.

Pingsi is fixing an authentic Chinese dinner for us tonight. A few of my friends will be here and I think we're going to have a gourmet delight.

Pingsi just walked into the room so I've asked her to introduce herself and add a little something nice to my story.


Pingsi’s note;

hi , im sitting here with cashman and he asked me to type out a short message. my nickname is pingsing but cashman calls me pingsy. i like it when he calls me pingsy the way he says it is cute. i work at zions bank as a teller and go-fer. the bank is in the smith store where cashman buys his groceries. i'm a native American (born in the USA) but my family comes from Taiwan. they lived in Nanjing and still call it their home. my father owns a furniture company in Taipea, Taiwan's largest city. cashman is the nicest and sweetest person i know. . cashman wanted me to say hello, so hello from me.


If someone loves you,
love them back unconditionally,
not only because they love you,
but because they are teaching you to love
and opening your heart and eyes to things
you would have never seen or felt without them

From the moment I saw her, to the moment I met her, to the moment I dated her, to the moment I made love to her, they were all moments to remember. She was, is, and will always be the best of the best things that ever happened to me. I cherish all of the wonderful attributes that make her what she is and will always be.

I was comfortable with life as it was; I had the love of my friends, the love of my animals, and the love of my God. What more in life could a man want? I thought I had it all. Oh how wrong I was, you see the love of a good women is the best thing in life that there is. I was always the one to give love and I thought that was the way it should be but to be loved and adored by a very special women is the most wonderful feeling that God gave to man. To be loved for no other reason then love is unconditional and that’s what I had, and that’s what I felt. And the feeling was the most marvelous feeling, in all of the world, the universe and well beyond.

What I had with Pingsi was not just an affair; it was the kind of affair that people have dreamed about since the beginning of time. It fulfilled my ultimate needs and gave me the strength to carry on.

The affair had to end because of the difference in our ages, and I knew that well. Oh how well I knew that! I knew it would be selfish of me to let it continue on. The decision had to be mine and not hers because wisdom comes with age. I also know that her culture respects the wisdom of time.

Mid week in our last week together I told her I was cutting all ties and setting her free. I told her that I knew she loved me and that it was my love for her that directed my decision. It was by no doubt the hardest love that anyone can give to another. I was so relieved that she accepted my wishes but that was the kind of women she was, she is and will always be. That was my Pingsi…

Two nights later she called me and told me she was going back to Taiwan to work in her family’s business and she wanted me to grant her one last favor (she called it a wish). She said her plane would depart Monday morning at three and that she wanted to spend her last weekend in the USA with me. How could I say no? The truth is I really don't want her to go but I know that it's something that has to be. I want her to find someone closer to her age, someone to show her true love and be there to map out her destiny. For me...It has to be enough to know that she loves me and that I'll always have a small part of her heart. I know that no matter where she goes and no matter what she does she'll find happiness because that's the way she is. So I promised her a weekend that she could remember for the rest of her life.

Saturday night we spent most the night talking, hugging and kissing. We laughed, we cried, and we shared each others thoughts and emotions. At midnight we danced to our favorite song under the stars, on the lawn, in my back yard. We danced until two in the morning and then laid down under the weeping willow tree cuddled gently but tightly in each other’s arms. We slept there until dawn.

Early Sunday morning we went to breakfast at the Hilton. The hotel has two restaurants we dined at Trofi's. The servers had promised me that they'd make our breakfast a real special event and I knew they would because they're all friends of mine. We had a magnificent breakfast and then I gave her a grand tour of the hotel all the way from the parking levels to the roof top. The view from the roof top is much better at nights, with all the city lights, but it's a beautiful view anytime of the day. Afterwards we took a long walk through the downtown city streets and we even visited the temple grounds. When we got back to my place we had banana splits at the picnic table in my back yard, watched an Elvis show on TV and played with the computers the rest of the day. It doesn't sound to exciting but for us it was perfect. In the evening we had a candle lit dinner for two each of us sharing in its preparation. We even fixed something special for Charley and Lady our four legged friends. We went to bed early because we had to get up at two to get to the airport by three.

We both had tears in our eyes as we said our goodbyes and she boarded her plane.

I went straight home after seeing her off. Since I work graveyard at the Hilton I usually go to bed about noon and sleep until 6 or 7o’clock. But I got home at 4 o’clock went right to bed and slept all through the day until 8 o’clock that evening.

When I woke up I realized that I hadn’t lost Pingsi she’d been with me all day. She was there in my dreams and I dreamed of her the whole day through. She was my fantasy but to me she was as real as real can be. Now I know when I go to bed thinking of her I’m going to be with her.

That evening, before I went to work, I wrote a little jingle that describes how I felt. I wrote several verses but this one says it all;

Only in my dreams can I enjoy the magic of your charms.

Because when I dream you’re right there in my arms

Only in my dreams can I enjoy the magic of your kiss

Because when I dream you belong to one and only me

So when I dream, I dream of you the whole night through

I dream of you, of doing all the things you want me to.

You are mine and I am yours but it is just a fantasy.

It’s only in my dreams and it’s only bliss for me.



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Poetry comes nearer to vital truth than history.

Plato (BC 427-BC 347) Greek philosopher.

BigDaddyCash’s Poems (47)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Poetry From The Heart (Tierra) 12
Bard Buck-er-roo 2
A Valentine Dilemma 11
The Swan Song 5
Yesterday 12
Grandma 10
Lady Tells Her Story 6
Total Recovery...In
Follow Up Letter to Josh 7
My Letter to Josh 3
Friends 11
Moving from a World of Discontentmen
My Name is Love 13
My Prayer for Susan Stoutenburg 2
The Video Clown 0
My Job at the Hilton 0
I Believe, Yes I Believe 1
Pingsing 0
Preface 1
Mamasan Christmas 3
Grand Lady of Rhyme 4
Time Travel 1
The Damn Song Blues 3
Writers Dilemma 1
MyLady 3
Computer Savvy 5
Lady Luck and Deprivation 2
Project Leader 1
Remember Me 8
Lonely Roads 5
Campaign Number One 0
A Perfect World 10
Daddy of Elation 2
There Just Has To Be 7
Cheryl Stevenson 3
Love Letters...Let
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Highlights of a Love Affair 2
Egoistic Mindset (3 tracks) 1
Dear Jimmy 4
I Guess I Could Call This; Amazing Grace 2
Waltz to My Song 9
Beautiful Dreamer at Bay 3
In a World of Dreams 7
Comment about Love Letters 3
Plain and Simple 11