Spring Brown, the Beginning

6 Comments

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  • Nature

    Poem Commentary

    I tried to take a challenge posted in the forum.

    Spring Brown, the Beginning

    Spring brown, a time when birds
    scream and play like children,
    when dark concrete soil thaws
    turns soft, becomes melted brick
    mush in the rain sotted
    puddle-luscious countryside.
    I watch the cold, wet hills
    swallow the evening sun
    smother the embers of day
    in its dark mouth, hills
    like uneven teeth grin,
    spring's colorless metaphor.
    Barn swallows, brown again,
    dart, rise, dive, turn, dash
    along silver-tinted puddles
    with no true color but dirt
    streak like stones skipped
    over quicksilver on ochre.
    The dark water breathes
    pale, pearlescent mist ghosts
    night colored, clinging to hosts
    in the first dun light of
    early morning-ever-after of 
    the beginning of days.

    Poem Comments

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    laydbak1 commented on Spring Brown, the Beginning

    07-05-2009

    A very nice piece, brilliant imagery of those first few days marking the end of winter, and the beginning of the thawing of spring... It's a bit different here in the south, ie, naked tree limbs, mushy cold ground, warming skies, and the silky bright, yellow-gold daffodils and jonquils assuring us old man winter is officially leaving the building... A good write...

    linlee

    07/10/2009

    My gosh, laydbak, did you read everything I put up? You're a treasure. Thank you for taking so much time and being honest with me. And thank you for the compliments, too, for sure. I respect your comments. After I do some chores and eat, I'm going to get back here and start on reading some of your poems. However, I'm not as good as you are at spotting problem areas. But I am good at saying what I like and appreciating other poets' work.

    wheelsal commented on Spring Brown, the Beginning

    06-29-2009

    You have a good write and love the imagery. This is my first read of your poetry. Looking forward to more.

    linlee

    06/29/2009

    Thank you, wheelsal, I'm really happy that you got something out of it. Do you have any ideas that might help me improve it?

    linlee

    07/03/2009

    Say, do you think you could peruse my poem "Three Sides of Eternity?" It took me longer to work through it than most of my poems do, and, if you haven't read it yet, could you look it over and give some feedback?

    UnworthyFather commented on Spring Brown, the Beginning

    06-28-2009

    Really good job! I love the imagery you portray here. Great new take on spring, here. Most focus on the budding blooms and the sprouting greenery. You have captured well the dull drabness of the early spring, and turned it's mushiness into something quite beautiful. Great job. Thanks for sharing. 10

    linlee

    06/29/2009

    I'm pleased that you enjoyed it. I also love the browns and tans of the winter when there's no snow. The variety of colors related to the brown palette, touches of orange, etc, are beautiful to me. I also love drab olive green! Maybe I should write about that, too. Thank you again, and have a great week. I need to read something of yours and wheelsal's, too.

    StandingBear commented on Spring Brown, the Beginning

    06-27-2009

    Yes a very nice write with pleasant imagery. A bit is lost without stanzas to pace the read to the reader.

    linlee

    06/29/2009

    I agree about the stanzas. I've started adding them by putting the word "space" into parenthesis between stanzas since i don't understand how to put spaces yet. Just how does one do that here? And thank you for taking the time to read my poem. I like to write pretty words more than dark things. I do write less up stuff sometimes.

    StandingBear

    06/30/2009

    Press "enter que" should give you the space. I thank you for sharing the beauty you write.

    linlee

    07/03/2009

    Would that be the enter button and the "Q" letter?

    BrielleC commented on Spring Brown, the Beginning

    06-27-2009

    A lot of vivid imagery here... I could almost feel the mud between my toes and fingers as it melted from the winter's chill to spring warmth. On thing, I would suggest is breaking it up into stanzas... it just seems to kinda whiz by the reader a bit without fully appreciating its beauty... in this form, you ahve to read a couple of times to capture every word and scene.

    linlee

    06/29/2009

    I'm going to ask you, too, since you're the second person to mention stanzas to me. When I type my poetry and double space between stanzas, nothing happens. In some of my poems I put (space) between stanzas. How do we put speces between lines here? I am a definite believer in having stanzas. I like to vary them, too. Thank you so much for your comment. I am always looking for ideas and honest critiquing (?) of my work so that I can improve. I have to read the work of those who have commented on my poem now. Have a great day.

    Poetry is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality.

    T. S. Eliot (1888-1965) American-English poet and playwright.

    linlee’s Poems (17)

    Title Comments
    Title Comments
    My Last Goodbye 3
    The Hate of Man 5
    Get Real 1
    Prejudice 1
    Three Sides of Eternity 2
    Unopened Drawers 4
    A Quick Melt 1
    Keyboard of May Flowers 2
    Spring Brown, the Beginning 6
    humility 1
    Middle October 3
    Middle March 3
    The Pull 3
    New Puppies 5
    after the spring rain 3
    Walking through dusk 2
    Teasel 4