Walking through dusk

2 Comments

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  • Nature

    Poem Commentary

    I was caught in a downpour when I had gone for a walk once. Although I got soaked, I thought it might be fodder for a poem because the sky was so beautiful afterward.  As a poet, I couldn't resist.

    linlee

    Walking through dusk

    Clouds of gold, ingots newly forming
    rest on flat copper trays above me.
    earlier the sky was stone gray and cold,

    next transformed to pale, liquid blue
    with clouds, like ships with immense
    billowed sails tacking across the sky.
    the drum skins of the heavens were

    unstretched and thunder ceased.
    the bass calliope quiets and earth blood
    begins to stain the horizon alizarin

    crimson while night has begun to singe
    the sky around the edges.  battles waged
    above a deeply minted dinosaur rock has left
    it washed and wetly visible near the path

    through these swampy rain-sotted woods.
    the auroral horizon deepens through
    the spectrum into night's velvet as I

    enter my back yard and glide toward
    the house over the slick wet grass.

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    laydbak1 commented on Walking through dusk

    07-05-2009

    I enjoy the way you paint these brief, yet beautiful pictures of the thoughts a mind wanders through with experiencing everyday happenings in nature... A suggestion... It is often a more subtle use of the word -like- to use it in a line describing the "next" line, than afterwards, as it is implied... eg; like ships with immense billowed sails tacking across the sky, clouds with drum skins transformed the pale, liquid blue heavens above... or, something -like- that... A good write still....

    linlee

    07/10/2009

    I'm sorry, I guess I'm dense today, because I'm not sure I understand what you're saying about the word "like". I want very much to comprehend every comment that is meant to help me improve my writing. Do you think you could private message me and explain in more detail? I love constructive criticism. And thank you also for the compliment you started with. I look forward to hearing from you again.

    Sx9 commented on Walking through dusk

    06-07-2009

    Can relate to this, even here in nj when it storms that is how the sky gets,love your vibes and the way you move words, just real cool work,,come at me with more ,,

    linlee

    06/26/2009

    You got it Sx9. I'll make a point of putting more work up. I'm exquisitely pleased that you like my pretty words. I personally have had enough of dark and sad poetry. I sometimes refer to my poetry as "Pretty Words" because sometimes a view of something light and pleasant is a nice change. Life is depressing enough for most people already, don't you think? As always, thank you for putting your eyeballs on my words. linlee

    Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

    Unknown Source

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