Am I Dreaming

1 Comments

Tags:
  • Sadness

    Am I Dreaming
    Am I dreaming
    Or is this real
    I lost you?
    I broken my heart,
    Now I feel like quiting,
    Ending this worthless life
    And hiding in the darkness shadows.
    Am I dreaming or is it true,
    I was just with you,
    Holding your heart,
    I broken yours,
    Now I also broken my own,
    This is the end,
    Of the world I live in.
    Am I dreaming or is it a fact,
    I made this burn?
    Deep down where it hurts,
    My body is melting with the pain,
    I subside my own life.
    Am I dreaming or is it a saying,
    That you was happy for us?
    Answer that please!
    Am I dreaming
    Or is this real
    I lost you?
    I broke my heart,
    Now I feel like quiting,
    Ending this worthless life
    And hiding in the darkness shadows.
    Am I dreaming or is it true,
    I was just with you,
    Holding your heart,
    I've broken yours,
    Now I've also broken my own,
    This is the end,
    Of the world I live in.
    Am I dreaming or is it a fact,
    I made this burn?
    Deep down where it hurts,
    My body is melting with the pain,
    I subside my own life.
    Am I dreaming or is it a saying,
    That you was happy for us?
    Answer that please!

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    lilpoeticgirl commented on Am I Dreaming

    07-15-2009

    I like the jest of the poem but it really does need to be polished Line4 I would change from "I broken my heart" to "Broke my heart" or "Broken is my heart", which is more grammatically correct. Also line 11 is grammatically wrong. Instead of saying "I broken yours" how bout "I've broken yours". Line 12 also should be changed from "now I also broken my own" to Now I've also broken my own" Liked the poem otherwise.
    Reply to Comment

    DylanAKayanN

    07/15/2009

    Hey thanks for the tips. It's been 3 or 4 years since i have written that one. So my grammer at the time wasn't the best. i haven't edited most of these. but i found this site and it sounded promising. and i really like the feedback from other poets. Thank you i really appreciate it

    To have great poets there must be great audiences too.

    Walt Whitman, American Poet (1819-1892)

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