Suicide I
Crumbling to pieces,
I do not make a sound,
Listening to my heartbeat,
As I fall to the ground.
Holding my chest tight,
Unforgiving is the pain,
Keeping it inside,
There is nothing else to gain.
Whimpering, I move,
But the pain is way too deep,
Tears held in my eyes,
But I do not dare to weep.
Screaming in my mind,
But keeping my mouth shut,
Scared of what will happen,
As I make another cut.
Blood drips on the paper,
As I write my last goodbye,
Holding the pencil tightly,
As I slowly start to cry.
The papers soaked with tears,
The blood has stained the floor,
My note is on the table,
I close my eyes once more.
Standing up, I walk,
Towards the corner of my room,
And ball up on the floor,
As if it was my tomb.
The room is spinning round me,
And I want to make it stop,
The razor blade still in my hand,
I take another chop.
The pain seers up my arm,
And you would think it hurts,
But I don’t feel a thing,
It just stops all the alerts.
I close my eyes again,
As the dizziness is making me sick,
I think of a happy place,
A forest beside a creek.
The image starts to darken,
And my life passes before my eyes,
Suddenly I want it to stop,
Though I know that everyone dies.
It’s too late now,
I can see the light ahead,
I smile as I walk towards it,
No more pain or dread.
The next morning I was watching,
As I sat up in the sky,
My parents walked into my room,
And I had to watch them cry.
I wanted to look away,
Because it hurt more than the blade,
I wanted to go and comfort them,
Even though I disobeyed.
My mom died of cancer,
One month after I was gone,
My dad shot himself,
He just wanted to be withdrawn.
I had to watch as they died,
And they walked towards the light,
I cried myself to sleep,
Knowing it’d never be alright.
I never saw them again,
Though in heaven they say you do,
But my parents must have hated me,
I can’t say I wouldn’t have to.
I sit in the clouds all day,
And I watch the people die,
I don’t think this is heaven,
‘Cause in heaven you’re not supposed to cry.
This must be what hell is,
To watch the world go by,
I know why I was sent here though,
I made my family die.
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