Running After Those Lovely Stars

3 Comments

Tags:
  • Love
    • ,
  • Fantasy
    • ,
  • Abstract
    • ,
  • Hyperbole

    Poem Commentary

    This poem is based and constructed from bits of a freewrite I recently did. A little prosey, but I like it. Like always, critiques are welcome and even encouraged!

    Running After Those Lovely Stars

    I lay on the shore to watch the stars
    Hoping they slowly fall down.
    A wish for me?...maybe.
    A glittery spectacle hovers overhead;
    I've been running after the stars
    Just to catch a wish,
    But they don't seem to get any closer.
    I've been waiting all this time--eons;
    Stars have died in this time,
    And nothing is here to remind me.
    Love; it's what I need;
    But are love and I uncompatible?
    I've been talking to walls--there's no response;
    I guess there's never been a response,
    But I keep on talking anyway.

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    DeepEclipse commented on Running After Those Lovely Stars

    07-26-2010

    Interesting. I wonder if the stars you speak of are the physical embodiment of the love you seek? Just how it came to me. Like the stars represent how the love is out of reach. Critique wise all I would say is that I could see this being longer. Diving deep into that relation between the stars and love. Of course every poem could probably be longer :) Reguardless I like how you paralleled the two in this piece, if I am reading into it correctly.
    Reply to Comment

    Chaos128 commented on Running After Those Lovely Stars

    07-13-2010

    Really cool stream of consciousness. Writing a matter-of-fact existentialist peace without a hint of an agenda ain't easy... but you did it ha ha ten stars!
    Reply to Comment

    FadingFebruary

    07/14/2010

    Thank you so much! I enjoy writing some prose-y poems sometimes too, and they seem to turn out well if I just write honestly.

    The true philosopher and the true poet are one, and a beauty, which is truth, and a truth, which is beauty, is the aim of both.

    Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet (1803-1882)

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