with five year old fists
i hid
in the dark
at the back of my room
shivering with quivering lips
too afraid to scream

i knew they would come
as they did each sunday night
these demons
swaddled in rags and wet with whiskey
i smell their cigarettes and turn to mud
as they anoint themselves in babies blood

closing my eyes

closing my eyes never improved my station
for all of my senses were on fire
for me, terror never took a vacation
"no such things as real monsters"
you're such a fucking liar !

when i wake
sometimes my hands ache
     from fingertips to wrist
because i am still clenching
     my five year old fists


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Marsink commented on fists


You've captured the stuff that blends nightmares into reality! You're one of a kind and that is GOOD! Thanks for presenting, with true-life clarity that which makes you, you! Applause Crescendo!!



thank you for such comments. coming from you everything seems so much more special. ''that which does not kill us..."

gmcookie commented on fists


Cheeze Crush, I had no idea. I guess we have those monsters in common. My father used to beat me - sometimes to the point of unconsciousness. The state finally stepped in and put me into group homes and foster care. I know this kid of whom you speak. But you and I have proven that survival is a choice and abuse doesn't have to be passed down in families. Keep writing your poetry, my friend. Count me as a fan.



sorry you had monsters too. it isn't a life sentence however, but it tends to invade your space from time to time. stay up....and thanks for your time.

JadedJezzabel commented on fists


WoW this is powerful...........i've awaken to find my hands clenched as well......defense issues............great poetry



thank you for your time and words.

Springsize commented on fists


I'm sorry this happens to Anyone... but with strong emotions, you have written and evoked the fear and view from a young victim... harsh, alone... and your poem screams abuse... and a very long-lasting effect.



it was hard to write, relive. but, the light needs to be turned on because not enough is being done. not enough pepole are listening.

Dano commented on fists


im really not sure what to say... i feel that this comes from first hand experience because of the depth of the emotion... someone who has been there knows what this looks like and more importanty knows what it feels like... for me he came reeking and wet with beer



i hope i didn't scare up too many bad memories for you, but yes, first hand experience manifests itself with depth of emotion. thanks for reading me.

The true philosopher and the true poet are one, and a beauty, which is truth, and a truth, which is beauty, is the aim of both.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet (1803-1882)

Crush’s Poems (59)

Title Comments
Title Comments
carried off by owls 1
Santa Claus Is Coming Around 1
skin 2
the midnight girl 1
hold 1
here 0
the other 1
flashback 1
violent pretty 1
the people in the attic 1
the ride 1
my nightmares are awake 1
no bugs 6
waiting 3
welcome 5
a fetus in a clear bowling ball 6
crows feet 7
rats 5
the mobster 4
perfect 6
jumper 5
lady godiva 3
malaise 3
pirate 4
flight on time 3
fear of falling 4
unfinished crow ? 5
touch ( aka, am i made of summer ) 8
elephant 5
cancer 8
skyline 5
st. saviour 2
satellites 4
were you waiting for me ? 10
snapshot 5
fists 12
lauren 17
insomnia 18
ceremony 12
mother 14
ash 27
the june bug 15
low 19
thorns 10
paralyzed 9
mr. sparkle 15
dresses 15
glass 13
cemetaries 18
throe 18
if i fell in love 27
pills 22
off black 20
mannequin 22
umbrage 12
sick boy 12
kelly has a big head 21
unfairly fairy 26