Halfway to Eternity

Death is such a dreary must,
The little box, the worms and dust,

No shows to watch, no ducks to feed,
And way too dark to even read.

Because nobody wants to die
Corporate religions vie

To win our faith (but not our laughter)
With visions of a grim hereafter.

The Baptists have their lake of fire
To keep their flock from sin most dire.

They say that's where we'll all be sent
If we don't pay our ten percent.

Because it's such an awkward sell,
(To burn so many folks in hell)

The Catholics have a different story -
They pack em off to purgatory.

What happens there?  I'd have to guess
Is audits by the IRS,

Perhaps unending root canal, 
Or sharing bed with Chairman Mao.

(The point is it's preferred instead
Of fire and brimstone for a bed.)

The Buddhists think the end of life
Brings rebirth and another wife.

The latter's not so bad a deal;
The former's lacking in appeal;

At least, that is, cause in their view
Another life is just not cool.

The logic as laid down by Hesse
Is life is worse than death, I guess.

In Judiasm you must wait,
Messiah will undo your fate

And free you from your shroud and lime,
(Assuming that you're worth the time.)

But waiting for that guy to show's
A bit like waiting for Godot!

Islam has a fiery hell
With many horror tales to tell.

But unlike that of Baptist strain
This hell, Allah will slowly drain,

And send upstairs to heaven's gate
Those crispy ones who've earned that fate.

All faiths will spout these doctrines to
Coerce us to their point of view.

In lieu of listening to their rave,
I'd choose, instead, the peaceful grave.