Old Folks

6 Comments

Tags:
  • Age
  • ,
  • War

    Poem Commentary

    OK folks, my latest bus poem (although I did some work on it when I got home last night as well). It consists of a couple of character sketches. I might add more. I have an image in my head of the old black woman who lived under Jim Crow, saw the miracle of the Civil Rights movement, then spent her life cleaning for the white folks while her grandchildren were picked off, one by one, by drugs and gang violence... But there is much to be said there. That might be another whole poem. This piece is still very rough and will require honing. Suggestions are welcome, comments always appreciated...

    Old Folks

    He leaned upon his walking stick,
    His body bent by time.
    Through milky eyes he watched the world,
    This man long past his prime.
    But still, within his aged head
    Much was seen but much unsaid,
    Choosing just to watch instead
    Life's never ending rhyme.

    He must have been around back then,
    He must have seen the war.
    He might have played a part therein
    And witnessed as it tore
    The babe from  it's own mother's breast,
    The hearts of boys from out their chest.
    It claimed this country's very best
    In slaughter and in gore.

    She trundles down the street alone
    With just her shopping bags,
    Everything she owns in life
    Is either junk or rags.
    She mutters to herself all day,
    "These bastards better keep away..."
    Her face is lined, her hair is grey;
    They all think she's a hag

    But like us all she had her spring
    Before the war broke out.
    She lost her only son it seems
    In war's unending rout.
    Her husband took it out on her.
    She turned to meds and then liquour;
    Her mind was lost her speech a slur,
    Her soul was filled with doubt.

    Poem Comments

    (6)

    Please login or register

    You must be logged in or register a new account in order to
    leave comments/feedback and rate this poem.

    Login or Register

    MrGee commented on Old Folks

    10-16-2010

    Very well written. You paint a good picture in the mind of this reader. I noticed you have a penchant for beginning the lines of the poem using personal pronouns. One of my publisher indicated that I should use fewer personal pronouns to begin a line of poetry. I however, recognize your style and it is very good. a 10 from me.

    gmcookie

    10/16/2010

    Hehe... I have heard the same thing before. But I don't write for the critics. I write for myself and my friends. I've never even talked with a publisher - Lol

    stellar commented on Old Folks

    10-15-2010

    The way you narrate is really interesting, it holds my attention again from the beginning to the end,,I love the musicality of this poem and the touching story, that must be so painful....^_^ v

    gmcookie

    10/15/2010

    Stellar, things are a little different in the Philippines. Families there actually take care of their aging parents. Too often here in the "progressive" United States, those families are broken and the elderly either get sent off to some "convalescent home" (a euphemism for a death camp if ever there was one), or they wind up on the streets to die at natures hand. And we consider ourselves to be an "advanced civilization" - Ha!

    Teardrops commented on Old Folks

    10-13-2010

    We only see what war did to us never try to see what war does to the ones that were caught in the middle . i am not a big fan of war it took my husband after years of pain . Then lets look at the ones who lost everything and never gained anything they are still ruled by people who find no shame in killing them . So then I cry for them i live in a country of the free she still live in the war that has never ended for her . Thank you gm sometimes we have to just open our eyes and our heart to the ones who never wanted any thing except to be left alone . Great poem my dear friend Marie

    gmcookie

    10/14/2010

    Just as surely as those who died fighting, many of the street people are also casualties of war. But they are neither recognized nor honored. Some wars are inevitable, I suppose, but we always need to go back to what I said in my poem "Childhood Toys". We need to make sure the cause is worth the price.

    Olan01 commented on Old Folks

    10-13-2010

    A lot of saddeness in life and the bent lives of men and women. Grandma was stoop and so was dad. He walked with the tank in North Africa; cannon fodder they called them. He fought is Sicily, Italy, France, the battle of the bulge and Germany. On his jacket, safe in storage, are two patches for the Seventh Army and the Third Army and five tiny bronze stars.

    WordSlinger commented on Old Folks

    10-13-2010

    I like the fine tuning, I felt the air, so you did good. like I said a fav poet indeed, ty WS

    When power leads man towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the area of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.

    John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) Thirty-fifth President of the USA

    gmcookie’s Poems (186)

    Title Comments
    Title Comments
    Wonderment 0
    Bora Bora 3
    Twister 1
    A Deal with Death 2
    Frodo and the Ring 1
    Glacier 0
    The Earth Was Far Too Fragile 2
    Clyde 0
    The Wars That Men Have Fought 0
    The Oracle of Tuckahoe 0
    Down the Drain 3
    Isabella 3
    I Write Because 5
    I Never Thought I'd Live to be a Hundred 3
    Singapore River 1
    Remember Why We're Here 0
    Ghosts 4
    Most Definitely More or Less 2
    China Doll 1
    Imagine 2
    How to Feel 2
    With Regrets 4
    A Melancholy in the Land 0
    The Borneo Fogcutter 1
    January 21, 2013 3
    Limerick 5 4
    Kress Five and Dime 1
    Beowulf 2
    Icarus 3
    Universes 5
    Human Race 2
    Requiem for Earth 1
    Fathers and Sons 2
    Goldfish 5
    Robin Adams 1
    Peaches 5
    When We Were Young 3
    Unknown 1
    Solstice 1
    Nkosi 1
    Day's End 0
    Outliers 2
    I'll Be There 2
    Mystery 0
    Grafitti 0
    Brand New Day 0
    Leaves 0
    Oedipus Rethunk 1
    Language 0
    Fire 2
    Arthur Kleinfelt 0
    The Last 0
    To the Ants 0
    Is Love a Lie 2
    A Cat, at That 0
    You Weren't Here 0
    Sacred Ground 0
    Rats 0
    Greed 2
    Breathe! 2
    One Percent 1
    Hands 1
    If God Had Not 3
    As Once There was a First Time 0
    Ghouls 1
    Something Evil 0
    Blue Dot 0
    Against All Odds 0
    Spacers 0
    Pink Flamingo 3
    I Thought 1
    The Old Hochstetter Place 3
    Sirens Wail 2
    Lost 0
    Social Insecurity 3
    Dandelion 2
    Zelda the Zebra 1
    Avotcja 2
    Virtue 1
    Extinct Species 1
    Things We Learned 1
    Leadership 1
    Conundrum 1
    Wheels 0
    Winona the Widow 0
    The Game 0
    Willie the Weasle 0
    Barney the Badger 1
    Priscilla the Pig 1
    Free Lunch 2
    Candle 0
    The gods 0
    Street Kids 1
    Junkyard of Forsaken Dreams 3
    Life is... 1
    Time's Villanelle 3
    Taxi to Eternity 3
    Common Sense 2 1
    Enlightenment 1
    The Loon 4
    Meaning 1
    The Best that Money Buys 2
    Splendid Orchid 2
    The Singularity 4
    Ruth 3
    Pirates 3
    Back Side of the Moon 3
    Self Control 3
    I Am 2
    Dust 7
    Lullaby 2
    Clones 4
    Epitath 3
    Algol Sun 5
    Children of the Stars 8
    Structured Verse 9
    Tapestry 4
    Punctuation 10
    Buddha's Remembrances 9
    Sagittarius 8
    Limerick 4 5
    Keyboards 4
    Our Lives 5
    Christmas 3
    Halfway to Eternity 7
    Eddie Noel 9
    Limerick 3 5
    The Hand of God 9
    Invisible 8
    Nature 7
    Limerick 2 7
    Limerick 1 9
    Frankie Fish 14
    My Children 8
    Tribute to Helios 21
    Duality 15
    Choice 12
    Old Folks 6
    If I Could Love 17
    Common Sense 11
    The Shadows in Your Eyes 9
    Silence doth become the dead 11
    Hung's Story 15
    Vietnam Peace 9
    Speaker for the Dead 9
    Hummingbird 9
    Fairies 7
    On the point of a pin 11
    Life's Manual 7
    Ephemeral 5
    Tiger in a Cage 8
    Time 7
    Love's Refrain 10
    Destruction 7
    Building Life 10
    The Past 9
    The Cat 6
    Grace 7
    No Two the Same 6
    Effort 6
    Cottonwoods 7
    Monsters 5
    Mayflies 7
    Ray's Dream 14
    A Thousand Thorns 4
    Family 6
    Childhood Toys 18
    The Kid Down the Street 7
    Red Moon 22
    Love's End 6
    Time is a Brutal Mistress 4
    Blessed 3
    Boundaries 7
    The Reason Why 14
    Hope 12
    What To Do With Me 4
    Pleased 8
    The End 10
    My Hands 5
    Night Time Sky 9
    Hung's Book 2
    Death does not equivocate 14
    I Cannot Say 6
    What if 15
    Only Words 7
    After the Light has Faded 6