Junkyard of Forsaken Dreams

3 Comments

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  • Loss
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  • Philosophy
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  • Life

    Poem Commentary

    This one just popped into existence this morning. It still has a few scansion issues and will require further tweaking. But then again, has there ever been a poem that didn't? Enjoy the read.

    Junkyard of Forsaken Dreams

     I often come and wander here,
    This consequence of our extremes,
    Beyond the pale of want and need,
    This junkyard of forsaken dreams.

    There're palaces and fancy yachts,
    The stuff that fame and fortune brings,
    But photographs of children too,
    And sometimes tarnished wedding rings.

    Yet some dreams do not ask as much,
    Perhaps a chance to walk again,
    Some only want a bowl of rice,
    Or freedom from the wars of men.

    Some folks it seems will dream of wealth
    While others mostly dream of love
    There's much to learn about a man
    From things he's always dreaming of.

    Perhaps, one day our dreams get lost,
    And we are lost as well it seems.
    We roam a world bereft of hope;
    A junkyard of forsaken dreams.

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    Helios commented on Junkyard of Forsaken Dreams

    05-31-2011

    "Some only ask a bowl of rice, Or freedom from the wars of men" I understood every word of those two lines. Besides for line 13 [a quick fix compared to your talents], I will suggest you add a pause of some kind to the end of "We roam a world bereft of hope", I believe it adds a dramatic effect in a moment of reflection. Getting pass the "formal techiques", I have to say that was a very meaningful poem you have written. The metaphor very fitting for this piece. Thank-you for sharing
    Reply to Comment

    FranzJ commented on Junkyard of Forsaken Dreams

    05-08-2011

    nicely said - but without dreams where would we be-
    Reply to Comment

    Teardrops commented on Junkyard of Forsaken Dreams

    05-06-2011

    I agree Glen you can learn alot about a mans life from his dreams . This poem is awesome and i love it Marie
    Reply to Comment

    gmcookie

    05/09/2011

    Thanks Marie. This is still a work in progress. I worked on it some this weekend. It's getting smoother. I'm not sure about the verse with the street kids in it, however. I think I need to consolidate the first two lines of that verse into the verse before it and cut out a verse. It needs to be tighter. Thanks for the read, my friend. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.

    Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) American poet.

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