My Hands

5 Comments

Tags:
  • Love
    • ,
  • Lost Love
    • ,
  • Angst

    Poem Commentary

    OK, Here's something totally different.

    Sounds a bit like a country song, doesn't it?

    I sent this to Laydbak1 (Doug Jackson) who re-wrote it and turned it into a song. You can find the (much better) song version in my poems list under the name "What to do with me" along with a link to an mp3 recording of Doug singing it.

    My Hands

     I just don't know what to do with my hands.
    So I keep them in my pockets all the day.
    These caloused hands seem to define,
    The many struggles that are mine.
    But can I trust them not to lead me astray?

    I just don't know what to do with my tears,
    These tears I held at bay so very long.
    It seems now when I try to speak
    They come rolling down my cheek
    Betraying all my efforts to be strong.

    I just don't know what to do with my heart.
    I shouldn't have to fight with it this way.
    The more I try to hold it back,
    The more it feels it's gonna crack.
    It doesn't seem that it wants to obey.

    I just don't know what to do with my love,
    The love I swore to you would never ever fail.
    It all comes back to me at night,
    Although I know it isn't right.
    But my reasoning seems to be of no avail.

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    wheelsal commented on My Hands

    06-23-2009

    All you need is the bass and the guitar. Reason goes out the window with the hands, tears, heart and love. Let's keep it that way so you can write more great poetry.
    Reply to Comment

    Paolo commented on My Hands

    06-23-2009

    The key to good poetry of this type is to appeal to the reader emotionally and to do this while avoiding sentimentality. This poem does a great job of side stepping sentimentality while also making the emotionality apparent and real. I like particularly how it ties together all of the dynamics, "I don't know what to do with" seamlessly. I got a real sense of the voices' struggle with being sensitive and being strong. This is a poem I would read again or if a song I'd listen to again.
    Reply to Comment

    laydbak1 commented on My Hands

    06-10-2009

    Yes, this does have a feel of a country song... The meter and cadence are a bit off and for a song, it's never a good thing to end a line with a two syllable word (makes it hard to sing), but i like what you've done with this... Oh, and i'd prob'ly make the title more about the - I don't know what to do wih - sentiment... but, this is a good song base if you wanted it to be that... nicely done...
    Reply to Comment

    Poetry comes nearer to vital truth than history.

    Plato (BC 427-BC 347) Greek philosopher.

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