Time's Villanelle

3 Comments

Poem Commentary

A Villanelle I wrote this fine Saturday morning in April. It needs some more work, but is a good start.

Time's Villanelle

The flow of time erodes the form of man

And carves our youthful flesh with furrows deep,

In harmony with heaven’s fearful plan.

 

As time unreels the thread of human span

Toward our end we do un-resting creep,

The flow of time erodes the form of man.

 

Not beauty, honor, power nor wisdom can

Belay the hand that round the clock does sweep,

In harmony with heaven’s fearful plan.

 

For in the end we make our final stand

And ever neath the loamy soil must sleep,

The flow of time erodes the form of man.

 

Let folks then say we never walked but ran

And used our time to sow as well as reap,

In harmony with heaven’s fearful plan.

 

We never thought ourselves as better than

Nor took the time to pity self nor weep,

We knew that time erodes the form of man

In harmony with heaven’s fearful plan.

 

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Helios commented on Time's Villanelle

05-31-2011

Wow, Bac Glen, you have been producing more poems in one month than I have in [maybe] three. Please excuse the tariness, I have not visited the site in so long. As a matter of fact, I need to start writing again... how quickly time flies. I have read your problem and I have a comment on the line "Toward our end we do un-resting creep". Unresting creep... I have not heard that one before and it sounds a bit... forced as I am reading to myself. I wondered if you wanted lines four and five to be one sentence, or have a caesura after span [just a thought]. There is a part in line seven that has a little accentual "fork in the road". I would comment on "heaven's fearful plan", but I feel that is more theological than poetic critique! I may be wrong, but this is your second villanelle? It's a charming little piece!

Teardrops commented on Time's Villanelle

05-03-2011

I feel it makes you allert to the way the poem is written . You have to keep up and read it as its written . Well done my talented friend Marie

HarverTomsson commented on Time's Villanelle

05-03-2011

Remeniscent of a kid from the fifties spinning round and round with the family's new movie camera: smiling Mom, shiny new Ford, swimming pool, blurry dog, swimming pool, shiny new Ford, smiing Mom, wet footprints, blurry dog, swimming pool, shiny new Ford, smiling Mim, etc. But pleasant in mind on a leash sort of way.

gmcookie

05/03/2011

Hehe... yes it makes one a little dizzy to read it. But that's the structure of a villanelle, I suppose.

Poetry is what is lost in translation.

Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

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