The Loon

4 Comments

Tags:
  • Life
  • ,
  • Love

    Poem Commentary

    This morning's Ferry Poem. Written on a Ferry crossing San Francisco Bay on the way to work. Enjoy.

    The Loon

    He sat with legs crossed,
    On that rock by the lake,
    In the pale yellow light of the moon.
    And the song that flowed out
    Of his polished wood flute
    Reflected the song of the loon.

    The loon song implored,
    "Why must love be so cruel?"
    The moon smiled at the puzzled refrain,
    Then she gently reached down
    Through the silver lined clouds,
    To tug the loon's heart strings again.

    The loon song beseeched,
    In a reedy refrain,
    The sheer essence of hope in a word.
    Though the wind held it's breath,
    And the night strained it's ears,
    There was no reply to be heard.

    The old man then paused
    As he lowered his flute,
    And he sat there a moment in thought.
    For that song pleased him well,
    And the offering it seemed,
    Was just what the muses had sought.

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    Helios commented on The Loon

    04-09-2011

    Bac Glen, I think your idea to add a third stanza was great in giving the piece more meaning. There is something melancholy [and a bit ironic] to your piece. "The loon song cried out Lonely, reedy and thin The sheer essence of love in a word." From the pain in the loon's song, the old man felt happy and gained his inspiration. I must say I do not recognize the form, if any, except for the common syllabic count 5,5,9,6,6,8 for each stanza [there goes the academic side of me again]. I may say, there is something about this poem that... calls to me.

    gmcookie

    04/10/2011

    Con Trai, that's because all Vietnamese poets are romantics... hehe I'm glad you liked it. I changed the essence of love to essence of hope, which is a bit closer to the mark - although love is the ultimate aim I suppose... hehe

    BlueHeron commented on The Loon

    04-07-2011

    Yes....great ending. So flattered at your response to my suggestion. I live in Maine and the loon is a magical sound during my late day fishing.

    BlueHeron commented on The Loon

    04-06-2011

    I like the poem but I can't help thinking it didn't end. Maybe one more stanza to close???

    gmcookie

    04/07/2011

    BlueHeron - Thanks for that feedback. I think you are right. Plus I found myself wanting to hear a little more of the loon's song. So I added a new stanza - stanza 3 which seems to give more closure to the whole piece.

    Teardrops commented on The Loon

    04-06-2011

    you were correct I love this makes the heart feel calm and at peace with the world great write my friend Marie

    gmcookie

    04/07/2011

    Thanks kiddo... I took BlueHeron's advice and added a new stanza (stanza 3). I think it brings more closure to the piece.

    The true philosopher and the true poet are one, and a beauty, which is truth, and a truth, which is beauty, is the aim of both.

    Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet (1803-1882)

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