The Old Hochstetter Place

3 Comments

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  • Sci-fi

    Poem Commentary

    Another Sci-Fi poem. Written on the Ferry this morning, and polished up during lunch. Still a bit rough, but a fun read!

    The Old Hochstetter Place

    It started with a dream, I think,
    When I was only ten,
    Of brightly flashing UFO's
    And slender little men.

    I pedaled down to Maple Street
    To settle the affair,
    And ask Professor Anderson
    If there was life out there.

    He used to be a scientist,
    But now was old and gray,
    His ancient eyes just misted up,
    His gaze was far away.

    "Well science hasn't answered that",
    A smile stole 'cross his face,
    "Go look behind the coal bin
    At the old Hochstetter place..."

    That farm house was abandoned,
    But secreted therein,
    A toy, a little UFO,
    Was in a biscuit tin.

    It was made of die cast metal,
    With lights of red and blue,
    Like something from a toy store
    Circa 1952.

    It's cockpit held a space man with
    Three fingers on his hand,
    And a smile most peculiar, like
    He had some mischief planned.

    The toy was warm and heavy,
    And throbbed a bit I found,
    So much so, that in alarm
    I dropped it on the ground.

    And watched a silver meteor
    Transverse the evening sky,
    Then slowly turn to come t'ward me,
    A glowing crystal eye.

    It landed right in front of me.
    This craft, it seems was manned,
    A slender man, a child, perhaps,
    Three fingers on each hand.

    "I see you are the chosen one",
    So said this little boy,
    As he carefully reached out his hand
    To give me back the toy.

    Go educate your people, son.
    Bring honor to your race,
    And when the next anointed comes
    We'll take you into space.

    I went to school and studied hard,
    I made the honor roll,
    To teach at University
    My ever present goal.

    I taught them astrophysics and 
    Taught some math as well.
    I gave them all a decent start,
    As far as I could tell.

    So when, at last, my time had come,
    With my career  complete,
    I bought that old abandoned house
    Down there on Maple Street.

    While I was on the porch, a girl,
    Transfixed me in her stare,
    She walked right up to me and asked
    If there was life out there.

    I found my eyes were misty as
    A smile stole 'cross my face,
    "Go look behind the coal bin
    At the old Hochstetter place..."

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    cheronld commented on The Old Hochstetter Place

    08-30-2011

    Now this was a fun and whimsical poem to read....it brought certain images and memories that I thought were long forgotten....I so love the way in which you summed this up with such a cute but eerily possibility of the Unknown....it was a story that was fun to read but also one that made you want to just go...hmmmmmm....I truly enjoyed it....Cher

    Crush commented on The Old Hochstetter Place

    08-29-2011

    this made me cry ! i love how you are so smart and so insightful.....you are easily one of my favourites, gm ! i am glad i came back to see what you have done. thank you ! 10x10

    HarverTomsson commented on The Old Hochstetter Place

    08-26-2011

    I liked the litl of this, and played with one lune: A smile crossed his face, replacing it with, "A smile stole 'cross his face." As this line repeats in essence, I wanted to smooth out the meter just a bit. It worked for me. And you showed a deft poetic touch in story telling by having just the right parts repeated. I kept thinking of the movie, "Zathara." There is true mystique in those old painted stamped sheet metal toys!

    gmcookie

    08/26/2011

    Harver, yes, it has a few scansion problems. Perhaps, even better, rhythmically, would be "A smile lit up his face"... It's more iambic. I think "stole" sounds like it wants to be emphasized, but that could be a simple matter of location and dialect. I'm glad you liked it. It is written as a ballad, a venerable old American poetic form which few but us old-timers recall (hehe). And in the best tradition of the ballad, it tells a story. I'm glad you enjoyed the trip, my friend.

    HarverTomsson

    08/26/2011

    Apple, oranges, etc. I selected the verb Stole because of its alliterative value sandwiched between other sibilants in a train.

    gmcookie

    08/26/2011

    I definitely appreciate the feedback, my friend. You can critique my work any time! It's refreshing to actually get constructive comments like that. I like the connotation of the smile stealing across the face - sort of unintentional and transitory. It's not the same thing to say a smile "lit up" a face. My reservation is with the scansion of the line. It might be, as I said, an issue of dialect. If I drew the diagram for "A smile lit up my face" it looks iambic: "- | - | - |" If I tried to draw the same diagram for "A smile stole 'cross my face" I get something like "- | | | - |" At least that's the way is sounds to me. Now I can diminish the emphasis on the "stole", but to me that sounds a bit forced. As I said, it might just be a dialect issue. I like "stole". I think you are right - the alliteration with "Go" in the next line strengthens the piece. But what about "cross"? I don't know... You may be right after all. I'll have to think it over a bit. The work is only 24 hours old, so it still has some settling to do.

    HarverTomsson

    08/26/2011

    As long as there is good poetic reasoning on display, there is no wrong way, but if you are a scansion analyst, stick by your guns. they are always loaded, and usually very true.

    When power leads man towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the area of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.

    John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) Thirty-fifth President of the USA

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